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"The diagram related how are lead pencils made.", IELTS: writing part 1


answers: 6
Aug 31, 2010, 01:02pm   #1
The diagram related how are lead pencils made.
If we start at the beginning the production we have to plant a tree at first. To do that it is necessary to seed the tree. It takes 4 months till it have to be replanted. After 3 years the young forest has to be thinned. Then, after next 14 years the tree is prepared to be cut down. At this moment our freshly cut down tree is moved to a company which makes pencils. There the tree is cut for thin "slats" and it is treated. It stays inactive for 60 days. After this period it is grooved and black leads are glued into the grooves. A new slat is put on this and all is hard-pressed by heat.
Thereafter it is cut in order to make discrete pencils. After that it just painted, sharpened, stamped and packed. Now it can be sold in shops.
The lead pencils process takes really long time. From a seed of tree to pencils in our shops it takes approximately at least 17,5 years.


(179 words) Please check it.
I really don´t have any idea of my IELTS writing band, do you?

Aug 31, 2010, 05:09pm   #2
Altraga:
It takes 4 months till it have to be replanted.

You should never "till." Instead, use until.

Then, After next 14 years, the tree is prepared to be cut down.

Your thoughts are very organized. However, I would suggest varying you sentence structures a little bit. So, for example, you could combine "There the tree is cut for thin "slats" and it is treated. It stays inactive for 60 days." like:
"There, the tree is cut forinto thin "slats." The slats are treated and remain inactive for the next 60 days."

What is this essay for? I see that it is for IELTS, but do you have a prompt?
Sep 1, 2010, 12:35pm   #3
it´s from academic writing 1
The diagram below shows the production of a lead pencil.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

(below is a picture diagram)
It takes 4 months before ... do not say it takes 4 months before. Say this:
It takes for months for it to become ready to be replanted.

Then, after next 14 years the tree is prepared to be cut down.


The process of making lead pencils takes really long time.

From a seed of tree to pencils in our shops it takes approximately at least 17,5 years.--- it takes even longer if you count the years that were necessary for humans to evolve and for our brains to develop enough to make tools like pencils! In fact, you could trace it back to the "big bang" and then to the origin of whatever it was that produced the substances that big banged into the universe. If you think of it that way, it takes an incalculable amount of time to make a pencil!

:-)



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