This essay is for my eng101 class, and it has to contain memory,transformation and tons of discretion, i was wondering if my essay has a good flow, and if any other corrections should take place? thank you very much
Waquarali Saleem
Revise Essay
The Devastation of my life.
No matter how young or old any individual is, it is a normal part of our insignificant and unexplained everyday lives which we lead. It is sudden. It is forever. It is the end. November 8th 2002, a dazzling sunny spring day, I had never thought I would hear such awful news on my birthday that my grandfather had passed away. I remember vividly when my mother came crying to me looking devastated, I just couldn't believe my ears and I never felt so traumatized. My family and I live in New York City and my grandfather had left to India for a few months for business purposes, he was perfectly hale and hearty before he left, but as soon as he stepped into India he was stroked with Cancer. It was unbelievable when my family and I found out, I remember my mother and grandmother wouldn't stop crying; I had never seen my family so shattered. It almost felt like a bad dream, and I sincerely wanted to wake up. But, I knew in my heart I wasn't dreaming and all I could do is cry. I just didn't want to accept it; my grandfather was such a great man, someone I spent so much time with. Grandpa and I were as one. We bore an unbreakable connection, a relationship not typical of any other grandfather and grandson. Ours was indeed something unique, significant, one which flourished year after year like the small crimson rose tree in our rear garden. I remember jogging every morning with him, going to the deli store and buying lottery tickets, I was a stubborn child thus no one took care of me as much as my grandpa, he took me to the movies, parks, everywhere I possibly desired. My Grandpa had occupied the role of father and guardian, considering my parents filed for their divorce when I was merely five, going their separate ways, leaving me behind. Regardless of this tragic event, I still stood strong knowing my grandpa was still by my side.
Two weeks later my mom called India and spoke to the doctor there that was taking care of my grandpa at the hospital he was admitted, the doctor said "he can survive a week, a month, or a year; every single day is in god's hands". Slowly day by day he lost a few pounds and gradually he became a skeleton. My uncle there sent us some pictures of him. When I close my eyes even now, I see those photographs, it was just dreadful and I knew inside he wouldn't live much longer. "It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew." - Henry Rollins. I tried to make myself strong but after seeing my grandpa with an oxygen mask on, needles stuck to him everywhere and losing tremendous amount of weight, it was truly heart-breaking. I tried to hide my emotions from everyone because I never express what I am feeling to anyone but this was just so hard, I would break down in front of my family every day for weeks. I never thought I would be like this, never knew it would hurt so much.
What enabled me to remember this incident so clearly in my mind today is that I found my grandpa's lottery ticket and a couple of photographs, not only that but it's my birthday. The lottery ticket was extremely significant to me, that itself was one of the main things that brightly reminded me days spent with my grandfather. It was an early morning around 9am, grandpa and I got up and went to the deli store around our house as usual to buy lottery tickets. The name of the lottery ticket name was "Struck by Luck" it was two dollars. We had gotten two tickets, one he scratched and the other he had gave to me. As I scratched the lottery ticket, I jumped with joy; I had gotten the lighting symbol which indicated that I have won fifty dollars. I never felt so happy. Grandpa cashed it and gave the money to me, and asked nicely "son can you give me twenty dollars", with a bright smile, I refused blatantly and walked away. Today I regret not giving my grandpa the money; he bought the ticket but still allowed me to keep the money. This was something I will never forget.
Unhappily I dread every birthday of mine. I never had a birthday that I enjoyed with complete happiness. It just feels like another day with a lot more anxiety and pain. As I held and looked at the lottery ticket that my grandpa had bought me, my tears dropped down like a waterfall and as my tears dropped I saw his reflection on the soaked ticket, it was almost like he was around me and I could feel his presence .
November 8th, 2010, it has been 8 years now since the tragedy of my grandpa took place. Like every year, today my family and friends all sit together and have dinner, I felt a little different today, I felt like I transformed into a very quiet and different person along all these years. I stood in depression for an extensive time and finally today I feel like I can move on and weaken these heartbreaking memories. Before we started dinner, I stood up and made a toast to my grandpa, I thought twice about ruining everyone's good mood, but I couldn't help it. "today pa passed away and I just want all of us to wish him all the comfort and happiness possible no matter where he is, may he be happy" Everyone's face sank like the titanic , but after a couple of minutes I saw the light on everyone's face, the fact that I brought it up, really mattered. The heartache I experienced as a child felt like it was fading, today it actually hurt less and it felt less painful. May god keep every grandfather healthy and may my memory's hurt less, god bless pa.
memory,transformation and tons of discretion
Do you mean discretion or digression?
People usually capitalize God.
Capitalize the first word of the quoted sentence:
... the doctor said, "He can ...
... and asked nicely, "Son can you...
This was something I will never forget.----- Nah, when you have a grandkid you'll see that it is nothing to worry about. That is what always happens when someone buys a kid a scratch ticket. He knows you love him!
Capitalization, punctuation:
"Today Pa passed away, and I just want all of us to wish him all the comfort and happiness possible no matter where he is, may he be happy." Everyone's face sank like the Titanic , but after...
Great job here. Painful experiences usually produce the best writing. I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm glad people will get to see this great essay.
I think you should google this: imagery words
Try using a few more.
:-)
