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Essay to describe your brother (Marcos)


answers: 5
Describe your brother.
I believe that family is the main support of our lives. Whenever and however you need attention, is like in marriage 'on sickness and health', they will be there for you. In addition, in childhood we do create strings with our brothers and sisters. So I have a real link with my brother Marcos. He kind of a hero to me.
Marcos is a 28 year old man, that study in a medical university in Campina Grande. Since childhood he has this 'take care of everyone' feeling. By the end of the high school he was decided to apply for medicine and nursing. Firstly, he didn't pass on the exam for medicine however he did pass for nursing. I remember that my parents told him to go on. But his dream always was to be a doctor. After he finished the course, he tried another time to apply for medicine. At this time he was at the top 5 of the university.
In childhood, I remember several times that he saved my life from hard situations. One time our mother told that I could not go play football with my friends until I had finished my homework. It was a lot of science homework that I didn't like the subject and the teacher did not explain clearly. So I remember to think: "I will go play and comeback before the time our mom went back from work". At this day, our mom came back soon because the company that she works was being painted. When she saw that I did not do my homework she took me literally by the ears. At home, Marcos was my main lawyer. He told her that the subject was a hard one plus I didn't understand it at the class. There are others situations that he saved me from been whipped.
Today, Marcos is married with Alba and they have a beautiful child Pedro Henrique. I believe that his felling of 'take care' is still pointed and he will pass it to my nephew. For this and several other reasons I consider my brother as MY HERO.

Here are some suggestions. I wonder what grade are you in?
...=> Whenever you need attention, a family member will be there for you. For example, when you're sick or when you need a person to share your happiness.
...
=> In addition, in childhood we do create strings with our brothers and sisters (I'm not so sure for this sentence, what is "do create strings"). So I have a real bond with my brother, Marcos; he is a hero to me.

...=>Marcos is a 28 year-old man, who studies in a medical university in Campina Grande. Since childhood, he has taken care of 'how other people feel'. By the end of the high school, he decided to apply for medicine and nursing. Although, he didn't pass on the medicine exam, he passed the nursing exam. I remember that my parents told him to go on, but he had always wanted to be a doctor. After he had finished the courses for nursing, he tried to reapply for medicine. At this time, he was at the top 5 of the university.

=>In childhood, I remember that he saved my life several times from hard situations. One time our mother told that I could not go play football with my friends until I had finished my homework. It was a lot of science homework that I didn't like the subject and the teacher did not explain clearly. So I remember to think: "I will go play and comeback before the time our mom goes back from work". However, our mother came back earlier than other day because the company that she worked was being painted. When she saw that I did not do my homework, she took me literally("took me literally" I don't get it. Maybe you mean scold you?) by the ears. At the moment,(we know that you was at home) Marcos was my main lawyer; he told my mother that the subject was hard and that I didn't understand it in the class. Ultimately, he saved me from being whipped.
Today, Marcos is married Alba, and they have a beautiful child, Pedro Henrique. I believe that his felling of 'take care' is still pointed and he will pass it to my nephew. For these reasons above, I consider my brother is my hero.
Sep 30, 2010, 08:24pm   #4
The idea behind the essay sounds good, but they way it is worded needs to be fixed in order to state your idea more clearly. The story about him wanying to become a doctor seems to just end. Add more and maybe discuss what happened afterward or conclude it in some way.
Sep 30, 2010, 08:56pm   #5
Hey Eduardo, your essay is really sweet. Your brother must be proud :)
Hare are some tips:

So I have a real link... you may want to say "I have a strong link"
he kind of a hero to me... you may want to say "he's kind of a hero to me"
he was decided to apply for medicine and nursing... "he decided to apply"
his dream was always to be a doctor [...]... "ha had always wanted to be a doctor and eventually tried to apply again. He finally got into a top 5 university".
"one time our mother told me that I couldn't go to play football with my friends, because I had to finish my science homework. I don't even like that subject, nor did the teacher explained clearly in class. I really didn't want to do them. So, I just waited for my mom to go to work and went out with my friends. However, unfortunately that day she came back earlier than usual, because [...]
Marcos was my main lawyer: he told our mother that my homework was hard and that I didn't even understand it in class.

ENJOY =)



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