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My Dad; He always stands by my side - A Person That Has Influenced My Life


answers: 6
Aug 10, 2010, 09:49pm   #1
Hi everyone. This is first time i post my essay in this forum. I hope everyone can read my essay and please give me comments. I appreciate your helps.

A Person That Has Influenced My Life

The person that has influenced my life is my dad because he is the one that get to know me best and is also the one that I see the most and have known for a long time. He always stands by my side, and whenever I fall down, he encourages me to stand up by myself and on my own feet. My family is not a wealthy family. Therefore, my dad tries to save single penny he earns from work to buy anything that I need, and he always encourages me go to school because he knows that the value of education will determine the future of the person. As a result, I admire him as a great person and have thought that my dad is really superman. My dad has a huge impact on the way I become a person today. He has influenced my life by teaching me the lessons and showing me the right behaviors and wrong behaviors.

My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be a man. I still remembered the day that my father sat next to me and said that "Hey son, the most important think to help you become the successful person and the helpful person is your honesty. Never lie to anyone and never lie to yourself". After saying that, he slowly explained the value of honesty. He showed me that every bad situation in the world began with a lie. When a person steals something, he lies to the law, or when a husband cheats on his wife, he lies to his wife. My father often tells me that being a man means facing the truth. I always think back on those words when I get into trouble.

My dad's teachings were a cure for my selfishness. He taught me to consider everyone as a part of my family and taught me how love people by sharing and giving. I believe that the biggest fantasy in live is to buy someone something he really needs and watch his facial expression. When I was a kid, my dad and I used to go to Chuck E. Cheese to play games. He always bought me some food after leaving that place. One day, on the way home, we saw a homeless man who said that he had not eaten anything for three days, and asked me for the food that my father bought for me. I immediately refused to give him the good that I had and kept going with my dad. Unexpectedly, my dad held my hand and stopped walking. He asked me why I did not give the food to the homeless man. Of course, I answered that I was so hungry after playing the games, but I saw that my dad did not feel good when he heard this answer. He looked straight to my eyes and said if I gave my food to homeless man, I still had the food at home. The homeless man had not eaten for days, and he was so hungry. After hearing the explanation from my dad, he gave me the chance to decide if I would give my food to the homeless man. I gave the food to the homeless man reluctantly. The homeless man expressed thanks to me. However, when I saw him receiving the food, I did not why that I have feeling that I pleasure in doing this and realized that I had done something good for society. When we got home, my dad told me that he was happy when I give the food to that homeless person. Furthermore, sometimes I took money from my own savings and buy McDonalds food for a less fortunate person and watched him enjoying his meal from a place where he could not see me. I could see more the impact of his teaching during the camp when we ran out of resources, and I shared my personal food with all my campmates. After listening the teaching of my dad, I realized that receiving is good, but giving is better.

From my place I am thankful for everything he taught me. He taught me things that I need or was going to in life. I am what I am because of him and whatever I will achieve in my life will be credited to him. I believe that my dad will always be with me even after his soul leaves his body; he will be there through his teachings that I believe are my duty to pass on to my children. He will be there through me; when the people see my remarkable success one day, they will know the value of his teachings. He taught me everything about life; hope, faith, and the long journey ahead. To me he is the greatest hero.

Aug 10, 2010, 10:14pm   #2
Well, not everyone can read it, but we try. So here's to start off. I won't work on grammar too much.
qbt512:
The person that has influenced my life is my dad because he is the one that get to know me best and is also the one that I see the most and have known for a long time.
Try to change this first sentence around a bit. Make it more concise/ eye catching
"to buy anything that I need," I like how you wrote need* and not want.
qbt512:
thought that my dad is really superman.
maybe rephrase to say that he is your superman because of all he had done for you. You could even use this idea in the first sentence because the last two sentences of the paragraph are split from the rest by this one.
important thing* <fix typo
qbt512:
He showed me that every bad situation in the world began with a lie.
I wish life was that simple.
A bit of advice about paragraphs.. I like the second one. It has an interesting format. However, try to vary how you start out your paragraphs, especially the third and fourth ones. About the third, it looks way too long without even reading it. Try to shorten. Give fewer stories, but more analysis of how your dad taught you honesty and selflessness. How did it really affect you? Why was his advice more valuable than other people's?
qbt512:
I could see more the impact of his teaching during the camp when we ran out of resources, and I shared my personal food with all my campmates.
<not necessary. The paragraph is sufficient with the info already. Try to take out some unnecessary info/story from it.
qbt512:
I believe that my dad will always be with me even after his soul leaves his body;
-.- I'm did not expect this in an essay..
qbt512:
He taught me everything about life; hope, faith, and the long journey ahead. To me he is the greatest hero.
So let us go over what you wrote. Make sure you are convinced about what you have written. This last quote, really? I see how being truthful can prepare you for a long journey ahead. But faith? Hope? I don't see that in the essay. I see that that he taught you the importance of education, of being honest, of being generous.. all of which are great things to learn. However, try to link those together to show how he really was your hero.

Cheers
Aug 11, 2010, 12:52am   #3
thanks you so much for your help, Jonathan. I will revise my essay from your advice.
However, i hope that someone can check my grammar for me because that part is most weakness in my writing as English is second language for me.

Thanks you again.
Aug 11, 2010, 02:51am   #4
You know your essay is too long...So I just checked a paragraph.


My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be a man. I still remembered the day that my father sat next to me and said that "Hey son, the most important think (I think you need a none here, like idea or thought)to help you become the (a successful person )successful person and the helpful person is your honesty. Never lie to anyone and never lie to yourself". After saying that, he slowly (I think "patiently"would be better)explained the value of honesty. He showed me that every bad situation in the world began with a lie. (what ?)When a person steals something, he lies to the law, or when a husband cheats on his wife, he lies to his wife. My father often tells me that being a man means facing the truth. I always think back on those words when I get into trouble.


May be you can give some examples of bad results when people lie...
Aug 11, 2010, 04:25am   #5
Hi.

First of all, I think your dad is awesome~

qbt512:
He always bought me some food after leaving that place. One day, on the way home, we saw a homeless man who said that he had not eaten anything for three days, and asked me for the food that my father bought for me. I immediately refused to give him the good that I had and kept going with my dad. Unexpectedly, my dad held my hand and stopped walking. He asked me why I did not give the food to the homeless man. Of course, I answered that I was so hungry after playing the games, but I saw that my dad did not feel good when he heard this answer. He looked straight to my eyes and said if I gave my food to homeless man, I still had the food at home. The homeless man had not eaten for days, and he was so hungry. After hearing the explanation from my dad, he gave me the chance to decide if I would give my food to the homeless man. I gave the food to the homeless man reluctantly. The homeless man expressed thanks to me.


My immediate impression after reading this is that there are too many "homeless man" in this paragraph. Try to shorten up this a bit just by going straight to the idea that

1. you are reluctant to give food to the homeless man
2. your dad ask you give the food to the homeless man
3. and you did

instead of going through all the details. Now all the homeless men disappear~

You did great at elaborating how the experience with the homeless man has affected you behavior afterward.

G L~
Name that food. What was it? Instead of calling it food, tell us what it is so we can have a picture in our minds.

My dad taught me the most important lesson: how to be an honest man. ------ I like this way better, because it focuses on honesty rather than "man." I don't like it when people use "man" to mean something like honorable or strong, because what does that make women? If I hear someone say, "Be a man!" It makes me think of patriarchy. Nobody ever says, "Be a human!"

Anyway, nevermind that.

This is a terrific essay. I like the ending, especially that last sentence. So... you wrote about honesty, selflessness, and a few other qualities. But is there a main idea for this whole essay? Something more specific than, "My dad is my hero." How about a specific insight? This is already great, but think about a sentence that would contain the concentrated power of the whole essay. Keep this idea in mind all day, and tonight you will know a sentence that contains the essence of the whole essay. Every essays should include at least one sentence like that.

This is very good!!
Aug 12, 2010, 01:15pm   #7
Hi,

Please I will like you to give more specific on the second paragraph, like an example of honesty that you Dad use, throw more light in the paragraphy. I hope it helps



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