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In some countries the youth have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure


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Apr 13, 2011, 11:01am   #1
In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

In most countries youngsters are lack of free time for their leisure activities and they are greatly influenced in terms of studies. Indicating the major causes of this condition and giving some suggestions are included in this essay.
Nobody can deny that the key to success lies under hard work. Thus, everyone wants to be successful and happy. The competition for success, however, is the main cause for young people, which makes them concentrate only on their school performance. Consequently, youths are becoming obliged to provide most of their time learning academic subjects rather than socializing with peers. In addition, parental pressure is the impact that leads the situation to look worse. For example, as soon as a student arrives from school, he is controlled by his parents, who make him do homework. Therefore, both education authorities and parents are having incredible influence on young.
As for the solutions, it can be suggested that establishing a proper lifestyle is the thing which helps one cope with the pressure. In other words, doing all the activities that one would like to do is supposed to be good way of living. For example, communicating with friends also helps forget about the current problems and you can always enjoy chatting with them. Furthermore, doing various sports is the next thing that one can do in order to release the pressure.
In conclusion, people come to life not for having leisure, but for deserving for success and enjoying the results of hard work they have done. But still they have to keep both leisure and obligations in moderation.

Apr 13, 2011, 12:08pm   #3
Dear Turbina
I tried to do some small changes on your writing, which are most grammatical, but I think you need to work more on the structure of your writing. because you did not mentione the entire title and its question, it is hard to help you. still I don't know if you really answer the task question, which is very impotant for your scoring.
good luck and happy writing

Aria

In most countries youngsters are (with or suffer from) lack of free time for their leisure activities and they are which greatly influences in terms of their time of studies. Indicating the major causes of this condition and giving some suggestions are included in this essay.

I believe it is not a good idea to give your argument or reasion like this. it is better to include them in your introduction.

Nobody can deny that the key to success lies under hard work. Thus, everyone wants to be successful and happy (repetition and unrelated to this part of the sentence and lose your writing coherence) .

The competition for success, however, is the main cause for young people, which makes them concentrate only on their school performance. the competition for succes can be the main reason ,which young people to to concentrate only ontheir school performance.


Consequently, youths are becoming obliged to provide spend most of their time learning academic subjects rather than socializing with peers .

In addition, parental pressure is the impact another factor that leads the situation to look more worse. For example, as soon as a student arrives from school, he is controlled by his parents, who make him to do his homework. Therefore, both education authorities and parents are having incredible influence on young.

With a little revision the argument in previous sentence could be very nice.

As for the solutions, it can be suggested I believe that establishing a proper lifestyle is the thing which helps one cope with the pressure. In other words, doing all the activities that one would like to do is supposed to be a logical plan for your study and spare time is a good way of living. For example, communicating with friends also helps forget about the current problems and you can always enjoy chatting with them. Furthermore, doing various sports is the next thing that one can do in order to release the pressure.

In conclusion, people come to life not for having leisure, but for deserving for success and enjoying the results of hard work they have done. But still they have to keep both leisure and obligations in moderation.
Apr 15, 2011, 09:02am   #5
To begin with, I'm not at all a sound writer but, I think the essay topic can have a different approach only if, the topic is "In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard on their studies"


You can form a thesis that highlights advantage and disadvantage for having little leisure time and a lot of study pressure among young people.


Pls let me know your opinion too.
This is a great thread! I think it will help a lot of people who are trying to improve their English.


Don't use "under" here:
Nobody can deny that the key to success lies under in hard work.

You don't need to use "but" and also "still." It is too much. Just do this:
But Still, they have to keep both leisure and obligations in moderation.

I think the first paragraph is too short. You should add a thesis statement to the end of it.
Google this: how to write a thesis statement

:-)
Apr 16, 2011, 05:15am   #7
@EF_Kevin- Is it possible attempt this topic a bit differently. Example-form a thesis that highlights advantage and disadvantage for having little leisure time and a lot of study pressure among young people.


Pls let me know your opinion too.




Regards
Neeta
Real Fog:
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

Hi Neeta! :-)

No, you cannot write about the advantages and disadvantages, because you have to write an answer to their question.

Give one paragraph about the causes. Give another paragraph about solutions. Then, go back to the top of the page and add an introduction paragraph. Then, go to the end and write a conclusion paragraph.



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