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Computers' negative & positive effects on children; 'strategic games'


alirulez 3 / 21  
Mar 24, 2012   #1
Dear freinds,

I am preparing for IELTS exam and need to work on writing part. This is my first essay in EssayForum, any kind of advice and suggestions with respect to my grammar will be appreciated.

Topic: "Using a computer everyday can have more negative than positive effects on children. Do you agree ? Explain your opinion with relevant examples ."

In today's, modern, swift, technologically developed world, computer is not merely a advanced device, but has become a staple of everyone's life. No Matter whether the task is personal, professional or academic, achieving it with great perfection without being reliant on computer is inevitable. Yes, I would content that the use of computer at an early age would have far more, better, colossal benefits than its detrimental effects. In the below mentioned paragraphs, lets focus on the pristine benefits and advantages of using computer from an early age.

The current education system induces a great amount of mental pressure on the students. Indulging computer and internet with the studies could make the curriculum more interactive and interesting. Learning vast syllabus and diverse topics in different areas can often force a student to opt for rote learning without putting stress on their brain, such method further lead to strait-jacket the children's cognitive skills. In contrast, use of computers and internet for exploring such topics will help in achieving an in-depth knowledge and understanding the topics from its roots. It can further stemmed to make them a good abstract thinker as well.

It is also worthy to galvanize the use of computer for children's leisure activities during their free time. There are galore strategic related computer games available in the market. Playing such games are a good way of increasing concentration level, boosting self-confidence and improving the thinking capability.

These days, every single job openings comes up with a requirement of mandatory computer knowledge with hands-on on the rudiments of computer skills. Having one explored to such skills in early age would apparently prepare them for their professional lucrative jobs.

But one should also not avoid the detrimental affects on health by using computers continuously for extended hours. Guidance of parents and elders is a must when children's deals with computers, especially to supervise if they are not addicted to any tantalizing, restricted websites that contains in-decent and violent materials.

To sum up, I would concede that computer use from early age in the children's life is of pinnacle importances and its disadvantages can be easily curbed with proper guidance and constant supervision.
Saidakhror 6 / 21  
Mar 24, 2012   #2
you have to improve your grammar and organise ideas in more well-coordinated way
chalumeau /  
Mar 24, 2012   #3
Let me know what you think.
Good start to the essay.



OP alirulez 3 / 21  
Mar 25, 2012   #4
Thank you chalumeau, really appreciate your efforts for correcting my essay.
I am now convinced, that I have a long way to go.

Thanks Saidakhror for your advice.
I will indeed work on my grammar.
Would you be able to rate this essay according to the IELTS band?
chalumeau /  
Mar 25, 2012   #5
I have little experience with IELTS.

If I had to score your essay it would be a 4 or 5.

I would need to compare it with example 4 and 5 essays
to distinguish between a limited user (4) and a modest user (5).

I liked that I was able to understand your thoughts and ideas, although
I found grammatical errors in almost every sentence.
Saidakhror 6 / 21  
Mar 27, 2012   #6
I have experience, so I may predict that it is 6.0-6.5 band essay. I would recommend you writing your ideas in 2 integral bodies, as it will be easy for examiner to follow your ideas, at least i have been taught so


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