please check my essay. thank you in advance.
It is common today that computers are commonly used at home. This can be seen in children who are using it after school or in the weekends. It is agreed that is has negative effects on them. This will be proven by taking into account the health and safety hazard as well as interfering natural development of the young people.
Looking first at the health and safety hazard computers might cause them. For example, children who are staying for longer hours on the computer may have eyestrain and become obese. This example makes it clear that this type of technology may have affected the well-being of the children. Thus, there is an obvious link between health and safety hazard as a negative effect on children using computers.
Secondly, computers may interfere with the natural development of the children. Sharing non-virtual experiences is important part of the child's development that cannot be provided by computer. For instance, young people do not play with their classmates outside the house. Instead they were using computers as a means of playing. It is obvious when looking at this example that the physical and social development of the children may not established because of sedentary lifestyle. From this, it can be concluded that using computers may affect the progress of the children.
After analyzing the areas of health and safety hazard as well as interfering natural development, it has been proven that computers have adverse effect on children. It is predicted that parents should have rules in implementing usage of computers to their children everyday.
It is common today that computers are commonly used at home. Pick a different word so you don't have "common" and "commonly" in the same sentence. This can be seen in children who are using itthem after school or inon the weekends. It is agreed that is has negative effects on them.This will be proven by taking into account the health and safety hazard as well as interfering natural development of the young people. Maybe combine these last two sentences
Looking first at the health and safety hazard computers might cause them. <Fragment For example, children who are staying for longer hours on the computer may have eyestrain and become obese. This example makes it clear that this type of technology may have affected the well-being of the children. Thus, there is an obvious link between health and safety hazard as a negative effect on children using computers.
Secondly, computers may interfere with the natural development of the children. Sharing non-virtual experiences is important part of the child's development that cannot be provided by computer. For instance, young people do not play with their classmates outside the house. Instead they wereare using computers as a means of playing. It is obvious when looking at this example that the physical and social development of the children may not established because of sedentary lifestyle. From this, it can be concluded that using computers may affect the progress of the children.
After analyzing the areas of health and safety hazards, as well as interfering natural development, it has been proven that computers have adverse effect on children.Either say "computers have an adverse effect" or "computers have advrese effects". It is predicted not sure if predicted is the right word to use here that parents should have rules in implementing usage of computers to their children everyday.
I enjoy your essay. I am writing one of my essays along this line on how our society is so dependent on technology. I think this is a great start!
"Time is gold" as they say. Many people believed that they also have free time to do anything. Children can also have free time but they should do this for school work. It will be shown that the children should spend their spare time for developing new skills and playing.
Firstly, children should enhance their skills for their free time. For example, helping their mother in cooking in the kitchen as it may interest them. This example clearly shows that the children may have knowledge and skills that may developed during free time. From this, it can be concluded that developing new skills is useful in the spare time of children.
Secondly, playing is the part of the development of children. For instance, playing basketball with the family. Because of this, family bonding also arises as a part of the development of the children by means of playing. Thus, the idea of playing is also a way of spending heir free time with the whole family.
Following the analyzing of spending free time of children by developing new skills and playing, it is clear that there are many ways to spend spare time. It is expected that even though children are given too much free time, they should spend in wisely.
I do not know what grade do you come from but I think this essay is a little bit too short. You need to have more points in your essay.
Are you writing an argumentative essay? If you are writing one then you lack opposing points and the rebuttal statement.
You need to have a clearer and better thesis statement. For example
It is agreed that is has negative effects on them
You should be convincing your audience that it has more negative effects than positive effects. This only applies if you are writing a persuasive essay though.
