Unanswered [6] / Featured [0] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

Comprehensive Note on ' The impossible is often the untried'


answers: 7
Sep 4, 2010, 04:48pm   #
Please suggest how can i improve my writiing.
Here is Comprehensive note on;
THE IMPOSSIBLE IS OFTEN THE UNTRIED

Nature blessed the human with unimagined power: the will to conquer the universe, the desire to know, and the curiosity from unknown. The word impossible does not match with human nature has amply evident by global history.
The common thing we have today, from paper to pen, bed to houses, car to airplane, computer to internet are never come to there present ...

SEE BELOW

Sep 6, 2010, 02:06pm   #
Nature blessed the human with unimagined power: the will to conquer the universe, the desire to know, and the curiosity of unknown.
asad:
The common thing we have today, from paper to pen, bed to houses, car to airplane, computer to internet are never come to there present state, if our ancestors leaves their imagination and believe that is impossible to invent them.

This is a little wordy and awkward. Let me suggest a rewording:
"If our ancestors had ignored their imaginations and simply believed everything was impossible, many of the commodities we have would not exist." You could probably to something better :)

I see that you need to work on your grammar a lot. Many of the sentences here do not make sense grammatically and are confusing.

"Their constant efforts become fruitful and civilization -has we have today accumulates, little by little, their toil...
Human have every thing from communication to transportation system or political and economy system by continuous trying to make it work for them. The problem that we think it is impossible, its problem with our attitude."
For example, a lot of the statements here are awkwardly worded fragments and/or run-ons:
"Their constant efforts becomebecame fruitful and civilization -has we have today accumulates, little by little, their toil...and developed the civilizations we have today.
By persevering and endlessly trying to solve new problems, humans have achieved every thing from communication toand transportation system orto political and economyical systemsocieties by continuous trying to make it work for them. The problem that we thinkis not that it is impossible, its; the problem withis our attitude."

Asides from the grammar, I think you should add more details on how exactly the "impossible" means the "untried." So far, you have a few examples of the achievements of imagination, etc, but you don't specifically address how the impossible is the untried... do you understand what I mean?
freezard7734:
"If our ancestors had ignored their imaginations and simply believed everything was impossible, many of the commodities we have would not exist."

Nice! Simpler really is better. It is easier for the writer and for the reader, so it enables the reader to have a powerful experience. That may be why Stephen King encourages brevity and simplicity, and why Hemingway is famous for it.

I will help with these sentences below. I hope you practice typing them 10 times the correct way, and think about the meaning:

We think about any matter is impossible than it is impossible because we are not trying to make it possible. When we change our attitude and try how to make it possible. Then it does not remain impossible.

When we think about any matter as impossible, then it really is impossible, because we are not trying to make it possible. When we change our attitude and try to make it possible. Then it does not remain impossible.

Their constant efforts become fruitful and civilization -has we have today accumulates, little by little, their toil.

Their constant efforts become fruitful, and little by little civilization benefits because of their toil. (in this sentence, "benefits" is used as a verb.)

:-)
EF_Kevin:
freezard7734:
"If our ancestors had ignored their imaginations and simply believed everything was impossible, many of the commodities we have would not exist."

Nice! Simpler really is better. It is easier for the writer and for the reader, so it enables the reader to have a powerful experience.

I agree!

I think they have already done a good job in editing your essay. So I'd just add on to a few things that they have missed out:

asad:
and the curiosity from unknown.

from the unknown

EF_Kevin:

Their constant efforts become fruitful, and little by little civilization benefits because of their toil.

Their constant efforts become fruitful and, little by little, civilization benefits.. ( don't mind if I correct you :] )

Please check out my essays if possible! I'll be gratified!
Thank You!
PurpleBook:
Their constant efforts become fruitful and, little by little, civilization benefits..

This is an interesting one. I learned from Strunk and White that it is good to separate the phrase with commas if it is not part of the meaning being expressed in the sentence. In this sentence, I think it is okay either way. When it is okay to use commas or not, I choose not, because that way the sentence is decisive like a quick thrust of a spear.

:-)
Sep 7, 2010, 09:13pm   #
Thanks for advice i tried work according to it


The impossible is the often untried

Nature blessed the human with unimagined power: the will to conquer the universe, the desire to know, and the curiosity of the unknown. The word impossible does not match with human nature has amply evident by global history.
The history of civilization exemplifies that humanity in his journey from the Bronze Age to the Modern times brought changes by continuously trying to improve their means of living.The human discoveries and invention are result of the continue efforts.
European never tried to discover the new sea routes to India and China until 14 century. The circumstance changes with change of Political Power in Mediterranean Region. The European Started to send expedition to discover the new trade route to India, and their continuous effort at last rewarded. They discover the new route to India through Cape of Hope, and also the new spectrum of knowledge during expedition that led to discovery of New World.Before then it was impossible because they never tried to discover to new route.
When we think about any matter as impossible, then it really is impossible, because we are not trying to make it possible. When we change our attitude and try to make it possible. Then it does not remain impossible.
When referring to a word, I usually use " " marks for clarity and detail:
The word impossible does not...

Also, this first sentence can be clearer:
Nature blessed humans with unimagined extraordinary power: the will to conquer the universe, the desire to know, and curiosity about the unknown.

I changed unimagined, because I suspect that reality only includes what we are able to imagine.
EF_Kevin:
In this sentence, I think it is okay either way. When it is okay to use commas or not, I choose not, because that way the sentence is decisive like a quick thrust of a spear.

Wow
Thats interesting, I learnt something.
Thankyou!
:D

EF_Kevin:
unimagined extraordinary power

I think extraordinary is more suitable here too

asad:
curiosity of the unknown

Sorry I haven't noticed this earlier. curiosity for the unknown. Curiosity of the unknown sounds like the ' unknown' 's curiosity to me.
asad:
The word impossible does not match with human nature has amply evident by global history.

is there a missing punctuation in this line? I can't comprehend this line.

The word impossible does not match with human nature , there is has amply evident byevidence in global history. or it is evident in global history
The history of civilization exemplifies that humanity in his journey from the Bronze Age to the Modern times, Humanity has brought changes by continuously trying to improve their means of living.The human discoveries and inventions are the results of the continue efforts.
Europeans never tried to discover the new sea routes to India and China until 14 century. The circumstance changes with the change of Political Power in Mediterranean Region. The Europeans Sstarted to send expedition to discover the new trade route to India, and their continuous effort at last rewarded. They discovered the new route to India through Cape of Hope, and also the new spectrum of knowledge during an expedition that led to discovery of New World. Before then it was impossible because they never tried to discover toa new route.
When we think about any matter as impossible, then it really is impossible, because we are not trying to make it possible. When we change our attitude and try to make it possible. Then it does not remain impossible.

Please check that I have not misinterpreted and altered the message you are
trying to convey.
I think that you have to be more mindful of your grammar and puntuations.
Also, you keep repeating certain words such as ' change ', maybe you can use other synonyms
such as altered; shifted; varied; revolution; transition..
This makes the essay less dull.
I am speaking for myself too, my teacher pointed out that I always repeat words due to lack of vocabulary. ~,~

Hope it was helpful :)



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓