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Why a company which build a large factory near my community gets my support? TOEFL essay


nguyenthiet1993 8 / 3 5  
Aug 27, 2015   #1
A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position.

can you please correct my structures, grammar and score my essay? thanks in advance

Nowadays, modernization and industrialization are becoming popular in my country, esspecially in hometowns. I have heard that a company will build a large factory near my community. This certainly has adverse influence and positive influence on the local area. In my opinion, I support the idea to build a large factory in my hometown.

On the one hand, building a big factory near a community is disadvantageous to environment and people's health as well. There is no doubt that the big factory will release a great deal of waste, this will contaminate rivers, lakes, fields and cause damage to ecosystem. As a consequence, some types of pollution such as air pollution, water pollution will be found and these types of pollution will be precursor for the deterioration of people's health.

On the other hand, a large factory will bring myriad advantages for the local people. Firstly, building a large factory will tackle some societal problems. It is the large factory that countless employment opportunities will be offered, hence the local people can easily occupy well-paid jobs in factory. As a result, unemployment ratio and crime rate will reduce. Another advantage is that the gap between rural areas and urban areas may be bridged. It is the multitude of well-paid jobs that help to increase the income of the local people and improve their living standard. Therefore, the gap will be shortened.

In conclusion, after weighing the disadvantages and the advantages. I do give support for the company to build a large factory near my community because the advantages are much greater than disadvantages. In my view, the authority should combinate with the company and giude the company to implement inviromental agreement. Only by doing this can inviromental problems be solved.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 27, 2015   #2
- ...esspeciallyspecially ( be careful with your spelling, turn on spell checker) in hometowns.
- This certainly has adverse influence and positive influenceoutburst on the local area.

- On the oneother hand,
- On the other handOn a lighter note , a large factory will bring a myriad of advantages..
- Firstly , building a large factory will tackle some societal problems.
- It is the large factory that provides countless employment opportunities will be offered ,
-...hence the local people can easily occupy well-paid jobs in the factory.
- As a result, unemployment ratio and crime rate will be reduced .
- In my view, the authorityThe authorities should combinatework hand in hand with the company...
- ...and giudeguide the company to implement inviromentalenvironmental agreement.
- Only by doing this can inviromental problems be solved.In doing so, the line will be drawn in order to keep the environment in utmost level of importance.

Well written essay, however I suggest you practice more, read and review your spelling from time to time, learning is a never ending process and with TOEFL it's quiet tricky so do an extra effort to review and research.


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