Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


Classmates can have positive or negative impact on a child's behaviour at school


Nickar 1 / -  
Feb 27, 2014   #1
There is no denying that parents have much influence on a child's success at school. Many children just want to be like their parents. If the father of a child is a doctor, he is more likely to want to become a doctor. This way he will start to study biology and chemistry well at school. However, we cannot say that they are more important influence on a child's success in school. Classmates' role is more important in a child's life in this case. The reasons and examples listed below will strengthen my point of view.

First of all, classmates can help a child to do his or her lessons. As we know, parents are often very busy as they work most of the day, and they do not have time to help their children with their lessons. In this case, classmates are the best to do so. Actually, many classmates are best friends. As usual, children want their friends to study well and they can always give books to read in order to inspire them.

Secondly, children usually speak with their classmates about things which they do not speak with their parents. They have a lot in common, so they discuss about school events with each other. They may do either bad or good comments about a person from their school. For example, if one of friends does not like a teacher, he will tell his or her friends about it. And the friends are most likely to start hating the teacher too, as their friend is more likely to tell them bad stories about him or her.

To sum up, classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school. They can help their friends with learning and give good advice about how to do well at school. Besides, they can have a positive or negative impact on a child's behaviour at school.
hakuyo1112 6 / 9  
Feb 28, 2014   #2
Hey there! Is that for toefl writing? Your grammar skill is excellent as there is no grammatical error. But i suggest you use more powerful vocabularies to make your writing more interesting. For instance

'Classmates' role is more important in a child's life in this case' we could say
'Classmates' role plays an more essential( fundamental) role in a child's school life'
BINGBINGLIANG 5 / 9 1  
Apr 3, 2014   #3
your writing is perfect,eapecially the clear structure.
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1,208 476  
Apr 3, 2014   #4
If the father of a child is a doctor, he/she is more likely to want to become a doctor. This way he/she will start to study biology and chemistry well at school

I try not use 'sex bias' :D

There is no denying that parents have much influence on a child's success at school. Many children just want to be like their parents. If the father of a child is a doctor, he is more likely to want to become a doctor. This way he will start to study biology and chemistry well at school. However, we cannot say that they are more important influence on a child's success in school. Classmates' role is more important in a child's life in this case. The reasons and examples listed below will strengthen my point of view.

The latter commentator has given you a signal for intro. I think so. Your intro shows complexity. To make it better, simply paraphrase the prompt, including hook and thesis.

they discuss about school events

Omit 'about'
discuss [Verb]: It is the time to discuss the book
discussion [Noun]: high-level discussionsabout trade and commerce

classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success at school

Faulty Parallelism
To learn more, visit this link: (wps.pearsoncustom.com/pcp_longman_ez_2/32/8414/2154029.cw/index.html#topofquiz10)

Hope this helps :D


Home / Writing Feedback / Classmates can have positive or negative impact on a child's behaviour at school
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳