Here are my suggestions:
"Choosing the career of
my future was one of the toughest decisions I had to make. During school life, when many of my peers were already pursuing their goals and dreams, I was dedicated to missing as many classes as possible. This did not
change until I graduated from high school and decided to work instead of continuing with my education in college. I searched for any job which could pay for my car and allowance. With no clear goal in a career for my future at age 21, I finally started to panic.
I have always dreamed of a career which I would truly enjoy for the rest of my life and when I heard about a career in nursing from my stepmother, it grabbed my attention. I started to view nursing as a profession which would be a personally rewarding job in many aspects and also set me up for a successful career for my future. The most appealing part to me was
that nursing is a respected profession which dedicates them Who? to help the
sick and ill. I have envisioned myself in a rewarding career in service of people who are in need and
now that I have found it I
am willing to dedicate myself to it fully. My dedication comes not only from myself, but from my parents who have always been supportive of my decisions and
who I do not want to let down.
Becoming a nurse is the first goal I have ever set in my life and it was not decided on lightly. I am ready to fully devote my time and freedom to achieve this goal not just for myself but
also to thank those who have been supportive and believe
that I will take my life and do something with it."
You've got a pretty good rough draft here. Stay away from using casual contractions such as "can't" and "won't" in academic writing; they are not formal enough and are inappropriate. Also, be careful of the over use and inappropriate use of commas.