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children working at the early ages


trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 8, 2011   #1
hi all dears,i myself practise writing more and more recently to make some progress in Ielts test,i sincerely hope that you can show me the errors and guess about my points

thanks in advance :D


In many nations,children are engaged in some kinds of paid work.some people regard it as completely wrong while others consider it as valuable work experience ,important for learning and taking responsibility

What r ur opinion on this?


Children have recently been encouraged to obtain a part-time job which pay themselves wages.There are some people absolutely objecting to this idea while others on the rest argue that this issue will allow children to acknowledge such worthy things as:experience,learning skills and their own responsibility.I myself prefer the second view that children should be supported to work since childhood

One of the benefits gaining from starting a job at early age is that it brings in kids the self-confidence and self-reliance.As far as I know,schools nowadays have a tendency of teaching students theories and morality.Thus,children may lack some social skills and be unaware of future career's orientation.Synonymously,working environment will be the ideal place for them to accumulate their knowledge and living experience.For example,in some countrysides in Vietnam,kids are trained to practice hand-made products and according the amount of goods,they'll receive their own wages .Furthermore,they are not only maintain the traditionally specified career of that village but also inquire the union environment and soft skills which might never be taught at any school.

Another advantage of this issue is that the wages children receiving from work is a catalyst which allow them to appreciate the value of their attempts and efforts.Similarly,parents are capable of using this method to educate their kids indirectly and objectively.Moreover,it avoids situations that kids have been overindulged,which leads them to be spoiled.For example,some children coming from the high-class of society have a trend to boast about their material's abundance.This ,accompanies with their freetime,turning them to attain bad habits just like :choosing their boyfriends on internet,or joining some competitions about spending money as much as possible,underestimate their fellows..

To summarize,obtaining a job bestows kids maturity,working experience and soft skills...Parents should stimulate children to work themselves for the stable future beside the knowledge they're taught in schools.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
May 8, 2011   #2
Children have recently been encouraged to obtain a part-time jobs which pay themselves wages.There are some people absolutely objectingwho severly object to this idea while others on the rest argue that this issue it will would allow children to acknowledge such worthy things as:gain valuable experience,developlearning skills and their own responsibilitybe more responsible. I myself preferpersonally support the second view that children should be supported to employed work since childhood.

One of the benefits gainingone can gain from starting a job at early age is that it brings in kidsbuildsthe self-confidence and self-reliance of children .As far as I know,schools nowadays have a tendency of teaching students theories and moralitymorals .
OP trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 9, 2011   #3
thank for ur feedback.i'll try correct the answer.however,i'm waiting for the moderator to correct the essay too.
:D
Scientiana 12 / 43 10  
May 10, 2011   #4
Note: In IELTS, you have to write an academic essay, which means you have to use formal words. "Kids" is an informal word, so you should use "children" instead. Also, do not write in short form. Example: They're = They are
OP trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 11, 2011   #5
wow,so glad that u help me know the rules of ielts writing.i myself hardly know about "kids" are only used in informal ways .hope that u can check my essays more and more :D

ur sincere friend
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
May 13, 2011   #6
Hi Trangbee, the next step is to type the essay again using the corrections. Please type each sentence at least 2 times. Then your brain will remember the correct grammar.

Children have recently been encouraged to obtain a part-time job to earn wages for themselves.

There are some people absolutely objecting to this idea while others on the rest argue that this...

One of the benefits gaining from starting a job at early age is that it brings in kids the self-confidence and self-reliance.---good point!

Another advantage of this issue---I don't think you should say "advantage of the issue. The issue is the controversy. The advantage comes from "work experience."

:-)
OP trang_bee 2 / 7  
May 19, 2011   #7
thank for ur correction,in august i will take the ielts test but i still feel weak at writing now.hope u can tell me some advice :D
butterbescotch 6 / 41  
May 19, 2011   #8
@Scientiana

What's wrong with They're?

----

@Topic.

Don't be anti-climatic. Don't use words like "To summarize", "I myself prefer the second view that". Let your writing speak.

Also, your first paragraph is just a restatement of the prompt. It does nothing to introduce the topic but rather introduce what you're decision. Use an opening like "Children play, most of the times. Some living in countries like X, Y, Z, (Research your topic.) are engaged in tough labor both for practice and need." I reckon you're using a template or following the examples of a book but if you can try to make you're own because your essay looks like everyone else. Don't take it personally.

Keep it up!


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