PARAGRAPH 1Some people believe that studying hard is essential part for children, otherwise others people think that playing sport is waste of time. In my point of view, both of studying hard and playing sports are part of life to children .
1.) Think => there are many ways to re-phrase word "think" in IELTS essay such as believe, assume, argue, tend, convinced, and so on. moreover, you probably can put adverb if you do not want to change the word. For instance: others people think differently/rationally/ frantically/ miserably...
2.) other people think
that ....=> think is commonly followed by "of" or "about".
3.) both of
studying hard and
playing sports are part of life to children => you repeat those words. it looks like you could not para phrase "studying hard" and "playing sport".
Those are my corrections from your junior's coupis house. I hope you don't mind.
KEEP SPIRIT. KEEP PRACTICE. :)