Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


What should children do during their leisure time?


abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 4, 2013   #1
Dear moderators, The older thread has been closed hence starting a new one. Please give feedback on writing and grammar.
thanks in advance.

--------------------
Every summer holiday parents have to decide how to engage their children. Now there is a new dilemma, whether to select educational or leisure activities for them. Many people suggest that children should be engaged only in educational activities, which would be beneficial for them in the long run. However I personally think that should not be the case.

Firstly the idea that children will not learn anything out of leisure activities is wrong. There is a lot that can be learned just by performing activities in a group. Playing together teaches team work, sharing the resources teaches cooperation, accommodating everybody in the game teaches tolerance. Apart from these there are many other skills like negotiation and leadership which children can learn while participating in leisure activities.

Engaging in fun activities would also enhance the creative thinking in children. It is a known fact that children who take up hobbies like music or sports do better in academics as compared to other children. It promotes a holistic development in young kids and helps them to learn new subjects much more easily.

On the other hand parents who force their children to attend educational camps would cause more harm than benefitting them. Disinterested children would pay less attention and learn very less. They would feel tired and would have less enthusiasm as compared to other kids. Coxing them against their wishes will also strain the relationship with their parents.

All learning activities for children should either be leisurely or should have an element of fun attached. They have their entire life for learning, let kids be kids and let them have fun.
Xiaokai Jin 11 / 23 5  
Apr 4, 2013   #2
You write many good sentences. However, If I were you, I would keep my lastest paragraph more inspiring and profound.

Following is my version, hope that will help you:P

In conclusion, various capabilities developed out of leisure activities, escalating the ingenuity of the kids and bringing up children with the interest-oriented idea drive me to believe that children's leisure actitivies are not supposed to be educational only. The potential of an all-around development kid is much greater than a kid who simply focused on the academics. So not only should parents pay attention to foster the academic ability of their children but also lay more emphasis on enriching the children's leisure activities.
OP abhigeorge 6 / 20 2  
Apr 5, 2013   #3
Dear Xiaokai, thank you for your feedback. I agree that my last paragraph should have been more profound. thanks Abhilash


Home / Writing Feedback / What should children do during their leisure time?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳