children are the backbone for any country. if they are healthy, they can contribute to build a stronger economy. so it is essential to keep them healthy. In the modern era, children and adult both are influenced by fast food and pre made snacks. Furthermore, children's are more effective by this modern trend of eating fast food. Many countries are facing the same problems due to the many reasons.
Firstly, children are innocent and immature, they do what they see and heard. Fastfood and snacks companies spend millions of dollars on marketing through social media, newspapers, television, radio.They introduce many schemes to attract young kids for instance, Mc donald one of the largest fast food chain in the world , they attract them through toys, which comes with happy meals. Moreover, convenience snacks attract them with card games, toy cars and many cartoon characters. On the other hand, parents are equally responsible for these eating habits. They don't have enough time for their kids, to keep an eye on them. Parents are too busy in their professional life. They are providing them monthly pocket money and never bother to check , how children's are utilising that money . Moreover, eating fast food become a trend and popular eqully in adults.
The consequence can be dangerous for children's. This kind of eating habits and negligence by elders can lead them to serious health issues like obesity, can effect their physical and mental growth, diabetes, high blood pressure and also many heart daisies.
In conclusion , It is important for us to provide more attention towards our children's. Guide them to understand what is good for them and what is not. Control there eating habits by spending more time with them. Cook food at home most of the time, so they don't feel like eating outside.
Seems you write well. However, it's good if you included the prompt with the essay so that we know exactly what it requires and we can align our comments more with those requirements. i guess this essay meant for practicing for IELTS or TOEFL. Isn't is so?
thanks for your reply. yes i am preparing for IELTS exam. I am trying to improve my writing skills and i need all your help . i will keep posting my work and please help me to improve.
Please also correct my grammatical mistakes so I can correct them.
"children and adult" should be "children and adults"
"Furthermore, children's are more effective by this modern trend of eating fast food" should be "Furthermore, children are more affected..."
"they do what they see and heard" should be "they do what they see and hear"
" social media, newspapers, television, radio" should be "social media, newspapers, television, and radio"
"They introduce many schemes to attract young kids for instance, Mc donald one of the largest fast food chain in the world , they attract them through toys, which comes with happy meals." change this to "They attract young kids through many different advertising tactics. For instance, McDonald's, one of the largest fast food chains in the world, attracts children through toys, which come with Happy Meals."
"can effect their physical and mental growth, diabetes, high blood pressure and also many heart daisies." change this to "can affect..." and what do you mean by "heart daisies"?
These are some grammar corrections that should improve your essay. Great start!
