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TOEFL:children should begin their formal education at a very early age


answers: 5
Apr 10, 2010, 02:02pm   #1
hi , is me again, please correct for me my essay. i need your advice also about my ideas . thanks

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?



Nowadays, most of children attend preparatory schools and primary schools at a very early age. There are two different points of view regarding this. Some of people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Other people think that children should spend most of their time playing. Actually, each point of view has some strong reasons to support their position.
People who believe that sending children to the school at a very early age is good, they think that it allows them to finish their studies earlier. There are a lot of people who have gotten their doctoral at a young age because they have begun their formal education at a very early age. They can now enjoy their lives with the educational success that they have reached. Also, children who begin their formal education at a very early age and spend most of time on school studies will gain the habitude to study. They will learn that study is an important thing in life. They will have the ability to study by themselves, and progressively the parents will not find any problem with the education of their children. In addition, people who endorse this point of view believe that children have all the life to play not only at the age of childhood. So, they have to focus on their study rather than spending most of time playing.
The other point of view, that controverts the first one, admits that young children have to take all the advantage from their childhood. They have to spend most of their time playing in order to feel the happiness , the comfort and the enthusiasm of life. However, spending most of time playing prevent children from having any regrets about their childhood. Because they have spend all the necessary time to play, and they will be plenty ready to study. Also, children who begin studying at very early age , will dislike the moments of studying, because they think that studying prevent them from playing , which every child wants to do at this age.
In my opinion, children should begin their formal education at a very early age. They have to spend most of time on their school studies. According to some research and studies, children can learn a lot at an early age. They are construing their mind , so they have to boost their intelligence and their memory by studying. Children can also have fun in studying. There are a lot of children who enjoy studying because their teachers or their parents use some funny examples or methods in teaching them.
In the childhood, children should have some equilibrium in what they do. The caregiver should manage the children's time between playing and studying. Children should know that life is not only playing or just studying. They should also respect the time for doing these.

Apr 11, 2010, 12:26am   #2
Nowadays, most(delete"of") children attend preparatory schools and primary schools at a very early age.
Some (delete "of")people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think that children should spend most of their time playing. Actually, each point of view has some strong reasons to support its position.
People who believe that sending children to the school at a very early age is good (because) they think that it allows them to finish their studies earlier

They will learn that study is an important thing in life( how about:"...study plays an important role in life")
young children have to take all the advantages from their childhood

However, spending most of time playing prevents children from having regret about their childhood because they have spend all the necessary time to play, and they will be plenty ready to study.

"at a very early age" is repeated so many times,I think you should find other phrasals to replace it.
Apr 11, 2010, 10:20am   #3
People who believe that sending children to the school at a very early age is good, because they think that it allows them to finish their studies earlier.

There are a lot of people who have gotten their doctoral degree at a young age because they have begun their formal education at a very early age.

because they think that studying prevents them from playing

They should also respect the time for doing these. - I didn't completely understand this sentence. What did you mean by writing this?

The other point of view, that controverts the first one, admits that young On the other hand or On the contrary children have to take all the advantage from their childhood.

Because they have spent all the necessary time to play, and they will be plenty ready to study. Also, children who begin studying at very early age , will dislike the moments of studying, because they think that studying prevent them from playing , which every child wants to do at this age. - something is wrong with this sentence, but I don't exactly know what. It sounds odd to me; may be becouse you make unfounded assertion here
Apr 11, 2010, 04:09pm   #4
Nice essay, it was short though,but I thing that they should start at an early age(not too early) because some would be under pressure, which cause some students to quit school.
You write very well, better every time. You don't have many mistakes, so I want to talk about STYLE:
Add a thesis sentence to that first paragraph. Maybe you think this is a thesis statement:
Actually, each point of view has some strong reasons to support their position. However, it is not meaningful enough to make the essay worth writing. Add a sentence that will share an interesting insight that came from doing this comparison.

Then, start paragraph 2:
People who believe that sending children to the school at a very early age is good they think that it ...

... will gain the habit to study. They will learn that study is an important thing in life. They will have the ...

The other point of view, that contradicts the first one, admits that young children have to take all the advantage from their childhood. They have to spend most of their time playing in order to feel the happiness , the comfort and the enthusiasm of life. However, spending most of their time playing prevents children from having any regrets about their childhood.
You write without many errors, but I think this sentence is a logical fallacy. Many people shirk their studies during childhood and have regrets, while others who study hard have fewer regrets. Students should become "lifelong learners," and the only way to achieve that is for us to instill in them an appreciation for study... so that study and enjoyment become one thing.

Because they have spend all the necessary time to play, and they will be plenty ready to study. ...--- again, I don't think play prepares students for study. Study prepares them for study. :-)

In my opinion, children should begin their formal education at a very early age.--- oh, I see that we agree.

In the childhood, children should have some equilibrium in what they do. --- wow, very good ending!!
Apr 13, 2010, 03:59am   #6
I think you can give some specific examples to back up your argument. For instance, it is widely agreed that children are quick learners in foreign language. So it seems better for a children to start learning a second language young.

Besides, I say playing is not necessarily incompatible with studying. Many games and toys are educational, like the Rubik's Cube, which is very helpful to develop mathimetical thinking. Games like jigsaw puzzles are also enlightening. Parents may find their children building their patience and confidence while playing, and kids tend to manage an overall thinking instead of staring at the individual pieces. Some children have very strong sense of colors due to the stimulations of bright and colorful toys. Children who are good at some competitive games are often ambitious learners. Rules of games and some failure experiences help them think and behave maturely. Good game players usually know responsibilities better than those sticking to books only.... The thing is, learning to play is also an important part for their study as well as for the rest of their lives. It is wiser for the parents to give instructions while the children are playing than to push them into "formal education" when they are not ready.

This is my opinion about playing. Hope it helps:)



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