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The characteristics we are born with have much more influence on personality


answers: 3
Oct 26, 2010, 01:30pm   #1
Essay: "Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life.
Which do you consider to be the major influence?"

Please help me to review and modify my below essay.

Thank you very much for your help,
Ilaria

My essay:

It is recently argued that any experiences that we may have in our life does not have more relevance than the characteristics we are born with.
The research indicates the these features influence so much our personality and development.
Many people believe that our DNA sets everythings about us, from the features of the body to the different facet of the character. Whereas it may be true that the experiences in our life are more significant.
Our personality is the result of them, moreover we have to consider that we carry on to change with the passing of the time.
In addition, it is important to consider when and where we were born, what kind of education, relationships with friends and family we have had.
In my opinion, the major influence is the experiences we have during our life, pointedly ejoying good health is natural gift but overall the experiences are more important.
Furthermore, I tend to think that a great talent or a great ability is innate, this means that it depends on our characteristics, for example the talent of great musicians.
But overall I think that we can choose what to be, what to become and learn from own experiences.
If we want we can change our destiny with perseverance, strenght and optimism.

Oct 28, 2010, 08:07am   #2
The second line should begin with,"Research indicates............. ." ommit "the"
You should revise the third line," Most people believe that that our genes not only defines our physical appearance but also our character."
It is --- this is present tense
recently argued --- this is past tense.
It is better to keep it consistent.
You can do this:
It is often argued that experiences that we may have in our lives do not have more relevance than the characteristics we are born with.

Our personality is the result of them, and moreover we have to consider that we carry on to change with the passing of the time.

Here are some places where you need a period to end a sentence before starting a new one:
In my opinion, the major influence is the experiences we have during our life. Pointedly enjoying good health is natural gift but overall the experiences are more important.

Furthermore, I tend to think that a great talent or a great ability is innate. This means that it depends on our characterist[font#FF0000]ics, for example the talent of great musicians.

:-)



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