Hello, and thank you in advance for helping me. The assignment was to write an essay between 750 and 1000 words in the academic style. No prompt was given; we were left to decide on our our own topic. I would greatly appreciate any and all feedback pertaining to structure, flow, and vocabulary. As well, if you notice an improper citation, (MLA), or an area where I may need a citation, please point it out. The due date for this assignment is Wednesday the 23rd, hence the urgency.
Thank you so much!
As society has progressed from archaic to modern, technological innovations have created an era of instant communication, educational opportunities, and medical marvels. These same virtues and innovations, however, have been accompanied by an altogether less palatable consequence. In the past forty-five years, suicide rates have risen by more than sixty percent ("Facts and Figures" para. 5), and suicide is now classified as a leading cause of death around the world (Saint-Laurent et al. para. 1). The burden of these statistics is equally dire. In addition to the traumatic emotional toll that suicide elicits, suicide and suicide attempts also carry an economic burden in excess of billions of dollars per year ("Facts and Figures" para. 4). In the increasingly important task addressing this issue, the first step must lie in identifying and understanding the array of factors unique to modern society that are driving suicide rates ever higher.
In the struggle to understand the troubling suicide rates afflicting modern societies, many people make the error of considering suicides as isolated incidents. For years, depression and suicidal behaviours have been regarded as a biological or emotional disorder to be treated with drugs and counselling on a case-by-case basis ("Depression in Adults" 2). As global suicide rates have consistently risen despite increased access to pharmaceuticals and therapy ("Facts and Figures" para. 5), however, it has become clear that this individualistic approach is not working. When evaluated on a societal level, trends in suicide rates closely reflect other trends affecting the society at large: widespread unemployment due to a poor economy; prejudice or oppression; and deteriorating interpersonal relationships due to a consumerist mindset (Saint-Laurent et al. para. 13). This relationship clearly demonstrates that suicide is not a personal issue, but rather a societal one.
The correlation between changes in society and their effects on suicide rates has been studied extensively by sociologists (Kendal et al. 13). This research has consistently demonstrated that suicide rates are proportionate to the level of stability and sense of community within a society; if either variable decreases, suicide rates increase (13). In this context, the current suicide epidemic is a tragic, but inevitable result of modern society's defining characteristics. In a world plagued by war, technological innovations, and questionable future prospects due to failing economies, social stability is luxury not granted to many. In the same manner, the transition from simple agricultural economies to large metropolises has provided the opportunity to live completely anonymously, removing any support network offered by a closely integrated community (Dear and Eckersley 1895).
An early sociologist, Emile Durkheim, further elaborated that suicide could be classified into four specific categories, each corresponding to a specific societal instigator (Kendal et al. 13). According to Durkheim, degradation to the community within a culture could produce an egoistic suicide or an altruistic suicide (22). An egoistic suicide was caused by a lack of social interaction encouraged by emerging values, such as the importance of individualism witnessed in Western Cultures. The validity of this theory is evident in the higher levels of suicide among singles when compared to couples, or among urbanites when compared to rural citizens (Saint-Laurent et al. para 6). Altruistic suicide was the opposite; it occurred when an individual was so strongly integrated into a community, that as the society evolved and the community was lost, the individual lost their sense of identity, and thus saw no reason to live.
Losses to social stability, Durkheim claimed, could result in either anomic or fatalistic suicide, depending on the individual's interpretation of the situation (Kendal et al. 22). If an individual was convinced that society was in a downward spiral, and that stability would never be regained, they would fall victim to fatalistic suicide. If, however, changes to a society resulted in an influx of new ideas, leading an individual to question their core beliefs and identity, the resulting suicide would be anomic. Although Durkheim's classification system has been criticized by other sociologists for over-simplifying the causes of suicide (13), it nevertheless provides clear, logical explanations for the manners in which society can influence an individual's behaviour, lending credence to the argument that suicide is a societal problem, rather than an individual one.
The research performed by sociologists clearly demonstrates that suicides are directly and heavily influenced by societal factors (Kendal et al. 24; McIntyre 15), belying the common wisdom that suicide is best addressed as a biological or personal disorder to be treated with drugs and therapy. With such insight, the next steps in the process of rectifying the suicide problem become clear. People need to recognize suicide not as a personal defect or flaw to be cured solely with a pill or an individual counselling session, but as the product of social factors and trends (Mills 15). The widespread use of antidepressants and therapy has not slowed the ever increasing rates of suicide, because such measures fail to address the social root of the problem. Only by addressing the social factors driving the suicide epidemic, by challenging the isolation and instability of modern societies, can the disturbing trend of increasing suicide rates be halted.
This is my analysis based on the first paragraph. As you look over my notes in [], you can see why I only analyzed one paragraph.
As society has progressed from archaic to modern, [add something there to bridge the phrases; consider adding "a variety of" ] technological innovations have created an era of instant communication, educational opportunities, and medical marvels. These same virtues [you haven't listed any virtues ] and innovations, however, have been accompanied by an altogether less palatable consequence. In the past forty-five [45 instead of spelling out ] years, suicide rates have risen by more than sixty [60 ] percent ("Facts and Figures" para. 5), and suicide is now classified as a leading cause of death around the world (Saint-Laurent et al. para. 1). The burden of these statistics is equally dire. In addition to the traumatic emotional toll that suicide elicits, suicide and suicide attempts also carry an economic burden in excess of billions of dollars per year ("Facts and Figures" para. 4). In the increasingly important task addressing this issue, the first step must lie in identifying and understanding the array of factors unique to modern society that are driving suicide rates ever higher.
What does the first and second sentence have to due with suicide? There is nothing indicating a relationship. When one begins to read the first paragraph, the reader gets the idea that the paper will be about technology and/or communication and then we are hit with suicide, which continues through the end of the paper. So, this should be clarified. :)
