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CHANGE or AVOID CHANGE? Which is better?


answers: 3
May 10, 2009, 10:52am   #1
hi, everybody! long time no see!
this is my new essay, looking forward to your feedbacks! thanks!
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Topic: Some people prefer to spend their living doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

To start with, I must admit that changes are always inevitable in life and provide challenges to life, which make one fulfilled and energetic throughout the tedious world. However, there are still a majority of individuals, including me, who prefer doing the same things and avoiding change. Here come the following reasons to support my view.

First, doing the same things requires proficiency, which comes from one's talent and patience rather than repeatable techniques. We cannot accomplish a high quality task without skills gained during daily improved same manufacture. Second, concentrating on the same things does not mean avoiding progress, but much more things taken into consideration to enhance the work quality. As we know more detailed about the thing, more problems can be found, thus requires us come up with more relevant solutions.

On the contrary, changes, especially frequent changes, are not always good but make new environment for us to adapt to. Some may find it easy, but for the most, frustration and failure are their friends at that period. Those who cannot immediately adjust themselves to the change may find them unrecognized or unwelcome in new surroundings, which will also let down their work efficiency and life enthusiasm. More pathetically, changes usually bring bad consequences rather than the planned good results, due to the wrongly performed and poorly conducted.

Of course, we cannot deny some benefits brought by great changes, from the discovery of fire to the application of electricity, all the way to the widely used internet, which lead us to a higher life standard and the information age. However, these changes came out with great minds and huge risks.

Therefore, whether changes can be profitable or not depends on the talent and wealth put into them. So as for me, an ordinary people, I prefer staying unchanged, doing the same things with high efficiency and sometimes progress.

The way you start the essay can be improved if you say something meaningful to get the reader's attention -- rather that just saying, "To start with, I must admit that," as if responding to the prompt question. Make it so that the essay could stand on its own, without the prompt question.

However, there are still a majority of individuals, including me, still prefers doing the same things and avoiding change. Here come t The following observations to support my view.

I think it will be better if you combine the last two paragraphs into one.

I say you should always opt for change, even when it will be difficult!
May 14, 2009, 11:46pm   #3
I say you should opt for the specific, even when you can stick to entirely general terms:

"First, doing the same things requires proficiency, which comes from one's talent and patience rather than repeatable techniques. We cannot accomplish a high quality task without skills gained during daily improved same manufacture. Second, concentrating on the same things does not mean avoiding progress, but much more things taken into consideration to enhance the work quality. As we know more detailed about the thing, more problems can be found, thus requires us come up with more relevant solutions."

If there is a vaguer, more general word than "thing" in the English language, I can't think of it off hand. Pick some specific activities that can only be mastered through repetition and practice. That covers pretty much every possible skill one can have, so finding examples should be dead easy.
May 15, 2009, 12:32am   #4
It's interesting that you are honest and not at all ashamed about being mediocre. Since you said something interesting, enhancing my knowledge a little more, I'll give one paragraph a vetting.

Well, actually, first let me be honest. As a rule of thumb, I think most people choose to be mundane because they let fear dictate to them, and the false security suffocate them. You reinforced that notion in me a little more with your honest confession to being a docile sheep.

Oh yeah, about your essay.

"To start with, I must admit that changes are always inevitable in life and provide challenges to life, which make one fulfilled and energetic throughout the tedious world. However, there are still a majority of individuals, including me, who prefer doing the same things and avoiding change. Here come the following reasons to support my view."

Kevin already noted the anemia in your opening sentence, so I won't beat a dead cat.

Are you talking about change as a concept, or changes?

Always doesn't always modify (pun intended -- I have to get some humor out of this) inevitable very well. This would be one of those times.

Did you mean to say challenges IN, or to life? (If you're going to stick with that sentence, life wouldn't bear repeating).

How "throughout a tedious world?" try "in a banal world." or try this ...energetic -- enough to overcome the banalit(y/ies) in life/of life. (Of course that is your view -- some people try to think fresh every day, and all the time)

Hahaha, you're not incorrect in saying "a majority of people."

Is one line (the middle one) all the breath you have before you start gasping for air?

Take it as a rule that the opening sentence, thesis, topic sentences, and conclusion, are most important in an essay.

You dropped the ball on the opening sentence, made a big improvement with the second one, and completely passed out on your thesis.

It's very ironic and humorous. Have you ever read the templates that go [insert xyz here]?

It seems you left the template for the thesis in its original state. [Insert main reason/talking point here]["Here come...reasons..view"]

Now all you have to do is fill the template. Good Luck.



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