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Cell phones, make life easier or make human depend on it?


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May 19, 2012, 06:29pm   #
"Though texting is a valuable way of communicating, some people spend too much time sending messages by phone instead of interacting with others face to face. Addressing an audience of your peers, explain why you agree or disagree with this observation."

Today, people, who live in city, have to rush to catch up the pace of modernized lifestyle. Texting all of time is not good, but for others, it's the fastest and most convenient way to save time. In this essay, I will deliberately consider each opinion.

Clearly, cell phone makes life easier. Especially for businessmen and long-distance call. Suppose a businessman who is working in Egypt and have to say something important to his partner in America. If he lives in 18th century, he would have to go to America and talk to his partner, but today, he just has to make a call. For people who live far apart from others, cell phone becomes more convenient. If in 17th century, people have to wait for a moth even a year to receive replies, but today, they just wait a minute to receive messages. Imaging, would Romeo and Juliet die if Friar Lawrence has a cell phone at that time?

However, another drawback of texting is people will depend seriously on technology. Some teen nowadays can't be separated from their cell phone even in a minute. They depended on it and abused it; they use cell phone all of time: in school, after school and at home. Some mobile phones, which are now evolved, allow users to watch movies, listen to music, read books and make a video call. People, who use this cell phone, no need to worry about whether they can see people who're talking. With this improvement, people no longer needs to by television, books anymore because mobile phone can do everything. Remember what happened in Wall-E, human totally depend on technology. On the spacecraft, people also talk to a screen, which convey the image of whom they're talking to and just beside them . Suddenly, they see each other in person, feeling of strange is on their face. What happened if these things come true?

To sum up, we should balance using cell phone in communicating with others people in flesh. We only use cell phones when necessary and spend the rest of the time doing something else such as study, play sport or chatting with other people on a tea table.

Please, check my grammar and my vocabulary, Thank you very much :)

May 20, 2012, 12:08am   #
Hi , I have some suggestions that you can find them below:
1. I think you should work on vocabulary. The words that u used in the essay are a little simple, try to use stronger words.
2. You did not argue the topic!!. The topic was about the long hours that people spending on texting rather than communicating face to face. But, what you wrote was about advantages and disadvantage of cell phone. You, even did not focus on advantages and disadvantages of texting. You could mention these ideas:a) use of texting instead face to face interaction may have negative effects on people's relationships, b) some time it may change into an addiction and a permanent habit which negatively impact many aspects of life, ranging from productivity of employees and social isolation. c) This habit also cause people cannot interact with elderly people who do not know how to use this technology.
3. This topic is "agree and disagree". In this type you should give your opinion and explain your ideas through at least three paragraphs.

Today, urban people, who live in city, have to rush to catch up the pace of modernized lifestyle. (before talking about texting you should write a sentence about the use of mobile phone and sending messages to prepare a reader for this matter)Texting all of time is not good, but for others, it's is (do not use contraction in writing) the fastest and most convenient way to save time. In this essay, I will deliberately consider each opinion.(this is an "agree or disagree" topic. You should not discuss both viewpoints. Choose one, either agree or disagree, do not do both as you are not comparing two things rather making a point and backing up your ideas within the essay . At the last part of the introduction, in this type of topic, you should clearly write that you agree or disagree with the statement. what you wrote is appropriate for the topics at which are asked "discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion". This is different from "agree or disagree".)

Clearly, cell phone makes life easier., Eespecially for business men and long-distance call. Suppose a businessman who is working in Egypt and have to say something important to his partner in America. If he liveswere in 18th century, he would have to go to America and talk to his partner, but today, he just has to make a call. For people who live far apart from others, cell phone becomes more convenient. If in 17th century, people have to wait for a moth even a year to receive replies, but today, they just wait a minute to receive messages. Imaging, would Romeo and Juliet die if Friar Lawrence has a cell phone at that time? (what you discussed in this paragraph is not focus on the topic. The topic is about the high number of messages that people send for each other instead interact face to face. But, what you mentioned above was about the advantages of cell phone. )

However, another drawback of texting is people will depend seriously on technology. Some teen nowadays can't be separated from their cell phone even in a minute. They depended on it and abused it; they use cell phone all of time: in school, after school and at home. Some mobile phones, which are now evolved, allow users to watch movies, listen to music, read books and make a video call. People, who use this cell phone, no need to worry about whether they can see people who're talking. With this improvement, people no longer needs to by television, books anymore because mobile phone can do everything. Remember what happened in Wall-E, human totally depend on technology. On the spacecraft, people also talk to a screen, which convey the image of whom they're talking to and just beside them . Suddenly, they see each other in person, feeling of strange is on their face. What happened if these things come true? (I think this paragraph has the same problem that I pointed out for the previous one. You should be careful about what exactly the topic want)

To sum up, we should balance using cell phone in communicating with others people in flesh. We should only use cell phones when necessary and spend the rest of the time doing something else such as study, play sport or chatting with other people on a tea table.
May 20, 2012, 12:11am   #
Clearly, cell phone makes life easier, especially for businessmen to make long-distance call.

However, another drawback of texting is people will depend seriously on technology. Some teen nowadays can't be separated from their cell phone (cannot live without a phone) even in a minute.

Some mobile phones, which are now evolved and allow users to watch movies, listen to music, read books and make a video call.

People, who use such cell phones, no need to worry about whether they can see the people who are talking in the phone.

With this improvement, people no longer needs(need) to by (buy) television, books anymore because mobile phone can do everything.
May 20, 2012, 02:09pm   #
Oh, thank you very, Ahmad Zafari.
When I'm working on this essay, I know little information about that. I just write down what come out from my mind. However, I'll fix my essay.
Thanks again
May 20, 2012, 04:45pm   #
Hi, I fixed as soon as I read your comments. Please read it again and give me some suggestion, thanks a lot

Today, as urban people have to rush to catch up the pace of modernized lifestyle and texting become one of the most convenient ways to communicate with others. However, I support the debate on people is spending much of their time on texting instead of face to face communication.

Clearly, texting instead of talking to others is an unhealthy way for relationships. A message with limited characters cannot transfer tones thoroughly and conservation is not always consecutive. Receiver would be puzzled and sometime misunderstanding the message as a result of shortening excessively. An invisible diving line will occur between couples who are speeding much of their time and not talking; they will feel strange when they look on other's faces and talk. Some people don't know what to say because they get used to texting not talking.

Sometime texting message may change into an addiction and a permanent habit which negatively impact many aspects of life, ranging from productivity of employees and social isolation. Texting provides more discreet way of communicating. As typing and sending a message only need a few minutes, employees can send a message without blaming abuse working hours to do private work. Nowadays, teen age speeds the whole time chatting with boyfriends and girlfriends via texting at school, after school. When they go home, they can chat on computer that is supposed as a new kind of texting. Therefore, not only teens but also officers, who spend all day on computer, would be isolated in a society. By calculating, two minutes for a message, thirty messages a day or more, what would we have on the end of a year?

Communicating by texting would be detrimental to elderly people who do not know how to use mobile phone. The elder will find it difficult to type because their eyesight is not obvious, they also can lose their cell phone easily. The elder's mind is not enough perspicacious to understand abbreviated word and informal speech in 'texting world' of their children. From now, young generation also find it hard to start a conversation with a message to the elder. Since people spend most of their time on technology device for entertaining, studying, working, the older generation are being left behind.

To sum up, we should balance using cell phone in communicating with others people in flesh. We just only use cell phones when necessary and start a conversation with others people on a tea table as a traditional way.
May 21, 2012, 12:29am   #
Hi,
I glanced over the essay. It looks fine, but I mainly focused on the introduction. I have some suggestions:

Today, as urban people have to rush to catch up the pace of modernized lifestyle and texting become one of the most convenient ways to communicate with others (u can start the introduction with some statements about mobile phone and then talk about texting. this gives a better coherency between sentences. For example: "The advent of mobile phone has contributed to a revolution in communications industry as a result of introducing new methods for interacting such as texting. Texting, as one of the most commonly used communications means could dramatically change the ways of communications. (this is just a suggestion)) .However, I supportvigorously disagree with the debate onthat people isshould spending much of their time on texting instead of face to face communication due to its negative effects on the relationships of individuals, efficiency of employees or even the interaction of people with elderly.).



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