Unanswered [30] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5


Ielts: (career / life experience) - Why do people go to university or college?


hvthoteen 16 / 44 4  
Jul 23, 2011   #1
Why do people go to university or college?

Why people go to college is a hotly debated topic. From my perspective, career preparation and life experience are the two main reasons. Academic knowledge and skills development contribute to people's future success. Furthermore, an independent life as a student is a memorable experience.

Above all, career preparation is the major goal of almost every student. The fact is that specialized knowledge is essential for people' future jobs. Supposing a person has desire to word in information technology field, he should go to college to acquire specific knowledge on computer, internet, or gadget because passion only is not enough. Moreover, skills improvement is crucially important to job promotion. It is common that students have the opportunity to discuss and work in group so they are likely to ameliorate their teamwork skill. They are often required to demonstrate their ideas before the whole class as well. As a result, students can develop the presenting ability. Without doubt, at college, people are certain to prepare well for their intended jobs.

In addition, a life as a student is possibly one of the most memorable experiences to many people. For someone, studying at college means an independent life in another city starts, through which they know how to take care of themselves and meliorate living skills. This makes them a great deal more mature. Furthermore, being a student is interesting. People have more chances to make new friends from various places when they attend college. People have more chances to do what they eager to do when they attend college. It is doubtless that attending college is wonderful.

In conclusion, people go to college for two primary reasons, including career preparation and life experience. Knowledge accumulation and skills improvement offer people more opportunities to get a good job while becoming a student with an independent life brings people unforgettable experiences. I think attending college plays an important part in the life of many people
the leaf ninja 9 / 28  
Jul 23, 2011   #2
Why people go to college is a hotly commonly (or prevalent topic to be discussed) debated topic.

...has desire to word work

...passion only is not enough. (passion is just not enough)

...students can develop the presenting ability (develop the skills to present their ideas precisely/improve their presentation skills) . Without doubt (a doubt)

memorable = unforgettable (you have had use memorable in the introduction, you can try to use a synonym here)

Wow, except for some minor things that you can improve, your essay is "memorable" to me :)
Your introduction states it clear about what you are going to write, I kinda like it. The structure in para 2 and 3 are also clear and make your arguments worth reading.

Nice job :)
furya21 1 / 4  
Jul 23, 2011   #3
In conclusion, people go to college for two primary reasons, including career preparation and life experience. Knowledge accumulation and skills improvement offer people more opportunities to get a good job while becoming a student with an independent life brings people unforgettable experiences. I think attending college plays an important part in the life of many people

- The red is the most important part of that paragraph. The first part of that ending paragraph is just restating what you said in the beginning.

- Never write anything like "I think.."

This would make a better and stronger conclusion.
"Attending college plays an important part in the life of many people.Knowledge accumulation and skills improvement offer people an increased opportunity to get a good job while becoming a student with an independent life brings people unforgettable experiences."
ekekek 25 / 51  
Jul 25, 2011   #4
Hi, friend~ Are you sure it is an IELTS topic? I wonder that it may be too easy as you will see there is no focus or contrast in the topic. But just an open question. I am one of candidates for IELTS, from my viewpoint, you should choose the real topic to pratice if you want to get a higher score in the test.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jul 25, 2011   #5
I like the way you summed up your argument in that first paragraph. Very good stuff here. In a good essay, the main MESSAGE is given in a succinct way in the intro and then it is explained in detail. I think that is what you did here.

It is common that students have the opportunity to discuss and work in groups, so they...

For someone, Studying at college means an independent life in another city starts, through which they know how to take care of themselves and meliorate living skills.

I'm pretty confident that you can pass that ielts!!


Home / Writing Feedback / Ielts: (career / life experience) - Why do people go to university or college?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳