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Car has helped people a lot, but the negative effects of automobile exceed the positive effects


answers: 9
Jun 19, 2010, 04:59am   #1
please edit and rate my essay! I'm new here and I need your help! thanks a lot~~~
Topic: do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
"The automobile is destroying our quality of life?
Essay:
That is obviously to see that automobile is one of the great invention of people in the twentieth century. The advantages of automobile such as ability to deliver people and goods to any location we want with a litter amount of time has helped people can contact with other and contribute to development of business. However, there are some disadvantages from automobile make me believe that the automobile is destroying our quality of life such as air pollution, car accident, and make our economic depend on oil of few countries.

To begin with, most of people have no doubts that automobile is cause of some pollution, especially air pollution and it contributes to increase greenhouse effect. The exhausts from the car are composed by many chemical substances, when they spread out to the environment; they will reaction with others substances and result of which are some poison smogs can damage human health. The main substance from car's exhausts is the carbon dioxide, which is main cause of greenhouse effect.

The secondly, car accident is the fear of almost people around the world, because it kills a thousand of people each year and makes large number of people were injured. New technology has helped automobile has higher speed, it helps we can move faster and save more time, but it also brings more harm for driver and for people who often walk on the road because of the speed out of driver's control. In addition, too much car makes transport in the big city are more difficult because of traffic jam, it make people get tress out and waste a lot of time and money.

Finally, most of automobile use oil and products of oil, so it makes our economic depend on oil of few countries. Therefor, any change in oil price can be cause of economic and politic crisis. Moreover, oil exploitation became more difficult and dangerous; it can damage environment and ecosystem.

In conclusion, the car has helped people a lot, but the negative effects of automobile exceed the positive effects, and the automobile is destroying our quality of life. So, people should look for other transport in order to replace the automobile or at least improve the automobile to prevent its negative effects.

Jun 19, 2010, 11:50am   #2
lamktqd:
litter little amount of time has helped people can keep contact with others and contribute to development of business business development

lamktqd:
cause of some pollutions

lamktqd:
poisonnous smogs

lamktqd:
The secondly

lamktqd:
New technology has technologies have boost the automobile speed so that it is very easy to drive faster and save more time


.....
sorry I must go out and cant finish my work
i think the first line can be rewritten as
"It is obvious that the automobile is one of the great inventions of the twentieth century".

The advantages of automobiles such as the ability to deliver transport people and goods to any location we want with a litter amount of within a short time has helped people can to be in contact with each other and contribute towards the development of business.

However, there are some disadvantages from of automobiles which make me believe that the automobile is they are destroying our quality of life, such as, by causing air pollution, car accidents, and make making our economies depend on oil of the few countries that produce oil.


lamktqd, I think your essay needs heavy editing but that may leave the final product seemingly unoriginal. So, i suggest you pick up a good grammar book and go through the fundamentals, then rewrite the essay and post it here for a review.

Cheers!!!
That is obviously to see that ...
Obviously, the automobile is one of the
or
It is easy to see that..

Either of the above methods is okay.

[quote=lamktqd]That is obviously to see that automobile is one of the [/]
It is easy to see that automobile is one of the....
Here is the secret about one of the most difficult things for someone learning English. You usually must use a word like
a
an
the
my
your
...whenever you use a singular noun. So do this:
That is obviously to see that automobile is one of the ...
It is easy to see that the automobile is one of the...

But if you use "automobiles" it is okay to do this:
It is easy to see that automobiles are one of the most...
However, even though people write like this, it is not entirely correct. It is not quite right, because automobiles is plural, and "one of the" is singular. The best way to use the plural method is to use the word represent.
It is easy to see that automobiles represent one of the.... --- this is a good way to do it.
Or:
Obviously, the automobile is one of the...

Don't worry if you don't understand all of this. I don't either. English is hard.

I can't rate the essay, because I don't know how the TOEFL is scored. You seem to have an excellent vocabulary, though!! Please see essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/
hi~~this is my correction!
That is obvious to see that automobile is one of the great invention of people in the twentieth century. There some advantages of automobile, such as the ability to deliver people and goods to any location we want with a litter amount of time. It has helped people contacting with each other and contributing to the development of business. However, there are also some disadvantages from automobile. Those disadvantages make me believe that the automobile is destroying our quality of life; such as air pollution, car accident, and it makes our economic depend on oil of few countries.

To begin with, most of people have no doubts that automobile has caused some pollution; especially air pollution, and it contributes to the increase of greenhouse effect. The exhausts from the car are composed by many chemical substances. When they spread out to the environment, they will react with other substances and the result of it is some poison smogs damaging human health. The main substance from car's exhausts is the carbon dioxide, which is the main cause of the greenhouse effect.
--
Tung Lam,
You've done some nice work here presenting your argument and supporting your thoughts in three sections: Ecology, Safety, and Economy. Nice!

Now, let's do some work with your thesis statement.
First, get rid of all the fluff about how an automobile is a great invention and how it improves people's lives. That's NOT what your essay is about. Your essay is about how automobiles harm people (and particularly American people, as I understand, although that's not clear).
So, let's rewrite your thesis and make it simple and to the point:

Automobiles harm the environment, are unsafe, and can cause an economic crisis. (This should be the first sentence. Yes - avoid the fluff and get to the point. And the next one or more sentences should tell the reader a little bit about why you think so. This will also help the reader see what exactly you will be presenting as your support. Watch ->) First, automobiles cause the greenhouse effect. Second, they kill many people every year in accidents. Finally, the oil they use makes some countries dependent on others, which can cause big political and economic problems. (All of this is your first paragraph.)

That's your clean thesis. And then just present your support section by section.

Keep writing,
Phil
A great essays, but there are still some small dictation errors such as tress out ( you mean "stress out") or "they will reaction with others " (should be "they will react with others")
Keep continuing ^ ^
Jun 24, 2010, 01:43am   #8
ThatIt is obviously to see that automobile is one of the great inventioninventions of people in the twentieth century. The advantages of automobile such as ability to deliver people and goods to any locationlocations we want with a litter amount of time has helped people can contact with other and contribute to development of business. However, there are some disadvantages from automobile makemaking me believe that the automobile is destroying our quality of life such aswith air pollution, car accident, and the depend on oil of few countries .
That is obviously to see It is obvious that the automobile is one of the great inventions of people in the twentieth century. The advantages of automobile Automobiles such as ability to help deliver people and goods to any location we want with a litter amount of time quickly; has have helped people can contact with each other; and contributed to the development of business. However, there are some disadvantages from automobile make me believe that the automobiles is destroying our quality of life such as through air pollution, and car accidents, and make our economic economy depend on the oil of few countries.

Phil
Jun 30, 2010, 07:47am   #10
You should have 3 main reasons and 2 supports for the reasons you picked out.
Still I think you had pretty good reasons.
You had some grammar mistakes.
But I make mistakes too, do don't take it personally.O.K?
Some of your grammar mistakes are: 'The secondly' should be 'And secondly' and also the phrase 'some poison smogs can damage' is kind of 'wrong' because smogs aren't poisonous they're just made of or made by fog and smoke. smoke does have bad chemicals in it but most disslove when it meets the water in the fog.
I think you are older than me but you should check you grammar more oftenly.
Keep up your good work who ever you are



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