Unanswered [4] / Urgent [0]
 

Home / Writing Feedback /     

brain drain and solutions for this problem


answers: 6
Oct 16, 2009, 09:32am   #1
i am preparing for ielts. however, my writing skill is very bad, could u help me point out my mistakes, thanks so much

More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine. Some people believe that encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is a part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
What are your views?
Do u think rich countries should pay poor countries for this movement.
Solutions to discourage this movement?


Recently, there has been a trend that people who are qualified are moving from poor nations to rich nation for more opportunities to develop and have a better life. Some people think that through this movement, rich countries are robbing poor countries of essential personnel like doctors, scientists and so on. Personally, I entirely disagree with those people.

To begin with, I believe that this movement is a natural phenomenon. People always desire to have more chance to develop themselves as well as acquire a better life; thus, qualified people moving to rich countries have opportunities to develop in their fields that they cannot do in poor countries. In developed countries, they have many advances about technology and they can make a good working environment for those people. For example, an information technology engineer cannot develop his self and create more technological products in poor countries due to lack of technology development. If he still works in poor country, he will have no chance to develop his ideas as well as use his talents. In contrast, when he moves into developed countries, he has more chance to apply their knowledge into practice as well as gain a much better life.

However, rich countries have many benefits from this movement; therefore, those countries should compensate to poor countries where qualified people are trained and educated. Poor countries often have to spend lots of money on educating and training those people, while they cannot receive any benefits from those people.

To discourage this movement, it will be more successful when there is co-operation between rich and poor countries. Poor countries should create a good working condition for their essential personnel as well as benefit for them such as large salaries, position in society and other benefits. In addition, developed countries should invest more money in poor countries; instead of moving to rich countries, they can work in their own countries with good working environment as that in rich countries.

In a word, this movement seems to be natural. If this phenomenon continues, the gap between rich and poor nations will be wider than now. Discouraging this movement is a good way for poor countries to reduce gap.

Oct 16, 2009, 08:12pm   #2
good morning Moderators, i have posted several my essays. however, i have not received any feedback from you. although there have some members' comments, i am not sure about their comments. personally, i think it is much better if i can get 1 or 2 comments from u, isnt it?
i am looking toward u
Oct 16, 2009, 10:13pm   #3
"Poor countries often have to spend lots of money on educating and training those people, while they cannot receive any benefits from those people."

I don't think so. You know, nowadays, when people are successful in a foreign country, they often go back to their home country to support it buy invest money in contributing big plans.

However, personally, I think your essay is pretty good.
Oct 16, 2009, 11:30pm   #4
hi Thu, are u vietnamese. you see, in our country, most creative people often work abroad. the government is trying to encourage those people come back could u check more detail for me
Oct 17, 2009, 12:07am   #5
thinhtvdhtm
More and more qualified people are moving from poor to rich countries to fill vacancies in specialist areas like engineering, computing and medicine. Some people believe that encouraging the movement of such people, rich countries are stealing from poor countries. Others feel that this is a part of the natural movement of workers around the world.
What are your views?
Do u think rich countries should pay poor countries for this movement.
Solutions to discourage this movement?


Recently, there has been a trend that people who are qualified moving from poor nations to rich nations for more opportunities to develop and have a better life. Some people think that by this way, rich countries are robbing poor countries of essential manpower like doctors, scientists and so on. Personally, I entirely disagree with this point of view.

To begin with, I believe that this movement is a natural phenomenon. People always desire to have more chance to develop themselves as well as acquire a better life. Therfore, that qualified people moving to rich countries to have opportunities developing in their fields that they cannot do in poor countries is easy to understand. In addition, in developed countries, advancement in technology and good working environment can create better condition for them. For example, an information technology engineer cannot develop himself and create more technological products in poor countries due to lack of technology development. If he still works in poor country, he will have no chance to develop his ideas as well as use his talent. In contrast, when he moves into developed countries, he has more chance to apply their knowledge into practice as well as gain a much better life.

Rich countries also have many benefits from this movement. Therefore, those countries should compensate to poor countries where qualified people are trained and educated. Poor countries often have to spend lots of money on educating and training those people, while they cannot receive any benefits from those people. (Structure of this sentence is too complex. You use too many "they", "them". This repetition makes your paragraph hard to follow and boring. You should be more flexible)

To discourage this movement, it will be more successful when there is co-operation between rich and poor countries. Poor countries should create a good working condition for their essential personnel as well as benefit for them such as large salaries, position in society and other benefits. In addition, developed countries should invest more money in poor countries; instead of moving to rich countries, they can work in their own countries with good working environment as that in rich countries.

In a word, this movement seems to be natural. If this phenomenon continues, the gap between rich and poor nations will be wider than now. Discouraging this movement is a good way for poor countries to reduce gap.


Hi thinhtvdhtm,
I dont know whether or not IELTS grade your ideas when you take writing test. Because when I read your passages, I cannot understand much your points of view, and even the topic.
When I check your essay (although juz with my modest knowledge) I just focus on your grammar, stucture, spelling and some collocation, but your ideas I ignore. However, that is my opinion, maybe there are some problems here with your coherence or clearance.
Oct 17, 2009, 04:39am   #6
hi yin, firstly, many thanks t. you are the first person check for my essay very detail. thanks again.
in this writing, the second paragraph i give my opinion as well as support my view that i disagree with the view that rich countries are robbing poor countries of essential personnel because that is a natural phenomenon.

in the third paragraph, i answer the question whether or not rich countries should pay for poor countries for this movement.

the next, i propose my solution

i was not really comfortable with this essay, however, i think it is quite clearly, isnt it?

anyway, thank so much yin

yin, i have posted some essays in recent days, could u check them for me, thanks so much
have a nice day
Oct 17, 2009, 05:51am   #7
Hi thinh, I think not all people in Vietnam who has been go abroad do not go back to their home country. You see, in some charity activities, there are many people send their money to the charity fund and many of them are Viet kieu.



Home / Writing Feedback /

Thread closed ✓