First for the grammar problems that need to be corrected:
and education is the most decisive of them all.
- education is the most
important reason of all.
-
Your opening statement is too short. No paragraph should be shorter than 5 sentences. There is room for improvement in that regard.Apart from economy
- Apart from
the economy...
Firstly, education has strong impact on the country's
-
Education has
a strong ...
Secondly, social services such as free health care and schooling indicate how well the government takes care of its residents as well as manages the tax system , which is to fund for those chargeless services.
-
Social services such as ...
which is to fund for those chargeless services
- which
funds the chargeless...
Last but not least,social stability, which assures low criminal rate
-
Social stability...
To me, the most trustworthy indicator among those mentioned above is education as it affects strongly on the other two assets
- ... is education as it
strongly affects ...
industries to flourish,thus the nation can trade with other countries and increases wealth.
- to flourish
.Thus , the nation... and
increase its wealth .
Furthermore, for a society to be stable, it is important that each individual is self-esteem
- For a society to be stable... each individual
has a high sense of self esteem...
Take Japan for example, this country
- ... for example
.This country...
at the first time
its natural resource is very poor, besides , it is one
- ... natural resource
swere very poor.
It is one of the countries...
year,but with the samurai strong-willed tradition that flows in each
- year
. But with...
flows in each of its person
- in each
Japanese ...
Japan is now one of the most developed country on over the world.
- ... most developed
country's in the world.
I would argue economy is not the only factor to measure a nation's success
- argue
that the economy is not the only factor...
used to measure...
Okay, the main problem I have with this argument is that you never fully explained why you believe that education is the best measure of a country's economic success. That should have been the focal point of your discussion since that was the whole premise of your introductory statement. Yet you failed to discuss that point within the essay. You actually had a very weak discussion about education and how it applies to your point of view.You need to strengthen that and discuss it in greater detail than the other aspects you presented. I suggest rewriting this paper with the new version concentrating on defending your education point of view.