Everyone lives a life for themselves; they don't live for anyone else. - everyone vs themselves vs they vs anyone? Stay consistent, either people live, or change all your other pronouns to singular.
Very generic first sentence, tells absolutely nothing about you.
I have played the piano since I was three years old. My parents didn't pressure to me play the piano. Instead, I had great time with my tutor and friends in the learning center. Those are the best reasons I continued playing the piano. I like playing the piano in front of people, and enjoy playing many different kinds of songs. I have participated in competitions and performances since I was in elementary school. I know I have a talent for playing piano, and I am very thankful that my parents helped me discover my talent and encouraged me to continue playing. I was fortunate enough to find my passion in young age, and I have excelled advice to my own peers is to find their own passion and enjoy it.
seriously, what does this have to do with anything? the red part is the only part you actually mentioned advice in this paragraph. WHY PIANO? you could talk about an INSTANCE where you gave an advice to somebody at playing piano, and how it impacted you and such.
Start strong!!! start with what your father told you, or with what you learned. Don't go roundabout and all over the place. STICK TO YOUR TOPIC. Your topic is ADVICE, so ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ADVICE and its impact on you.
Frankly, I might sound harsh, but I really hope to give you a fair chance at your dream college.
Remember, an essay that doesn't need editing is a hopeless essay. Have faith.