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Essay about the best advise and given - feedback


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What's the best advice you've ever received? What's the best you've ever given?

Everyone lives a life for themselves; they don't live for anyone else. My father has always said that I should not study for anyone else. He said, "I know you don't like to study, but unless if you live in Korea and have no exceptional talent, there is only one way you can construct a great future and it is through studying well." This advice touches me deeply. He realized that the teenager life was most important time after he graduated college. He told me that he knows most students do not want to study, but that will ultimately affect their future. From his advice, I feel I have to study or think about my future as soon as I can. Now I am trying to listen to what my father said because he knows more about how the life is going to be. I have my own dream to live a valuable life. I will do my best every moment.

I have played the piano since I was three years old. My parents didn't pressure to me play the piano. Instead, I had great time with my tutor and friends in the learning center. Those are the best reasons I continued playing the piano. I like playing the piano in front of people, and enjoy playing many different kinds of songs. I have participated in competitions and performances since I was in elementary school. I know I have a talent for playing piano, and I am very thankful that my parents helped me discover my talent and encouraged me to continue playing. I was fortunate enough to find my passion in young age, and I have excelled advice to my own peers is to find their own passion and enjoy it.

i think i have some grammar errors
also some sentences don't make sense..
could someone revise my essay please?

Nov 30, 2009, 11:44am   #2
Everyone lives a life for themselves; they don't live for anyone else. - everyone vs themselves vs they vs anyone? Stay consistent, either people live, or change all your other pronouns to singular.

Very generic first sentence, tells absolutely nothing about you.

I have played the piano since I was three years old. My parents didn't pressure to me play the piano. Instead, I had great time with my tutor and friends in the learning center. Those are the best reasons I continued playing the piano. I like playing the piano in front of people, and enjoy playing many different kinds of songs. I have participated in competitions and performances since I was in elementary school. I know I have a talent for playing piano, and I am very thankful that my parents helped me discover my talent and encouraged me to continue playing. I was fortunate enough to find my passion in young age, and I have excelled advice to my own peers is to find their own passion and enjoy it.

seriously, what does this have to do with anything? the red part is the only part you actually mentioned advice in this paragraph. WHY PIANO? you could talk about an INSTANCE where you gave an advice to somebody at playing piano, and how it impacted you and such.

Start strong!!! start with what your father told you, or with what you learned. Don't go roundabout and all over the place. STICK TO YOUR TOPIC. Your topic is ADVICE, so ALWAYS TALK ABOUT ADVICE and its impact on you.

Frankly, I might sound harsh, but I really hope to give you a fair chance at your dream college.

Remember, an essay that doesn't need editing is a hopeless essay. Have faith.
first paragraph is about my best advice and
second paragraph is about my talent
the topic has two questions and i don't think they are related ti each other
i might have to put
I was fortunate enough to find my passion in young age, and I have excelled advice to my own peers is to find their own passion and enjoy it.
this sentences after first paragraph
i think you were confused that i had to write about only best advice in my life
second paragraph doesn't do anything with advice (talking about my talent)
thanks anyway
Dec 1, 2009, 01:36am   #4
erinhcho:
second paragraph is about my talent

Sorry, but I don't see anything about talent mentioned in the prompt... maybe I missed it?

erinhcho:
What's the best you've ever given?

It's assumed that the "best" here refers to advice, so the second part is actually : what's the best advice you've ever given, not what's the best performance.

Sorry if I'm wrong, just trying to help.



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