Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4


IELTS: Benefits of students doing extra jobs


bemytthm 3 / 5  
Nov 1, 2010   #1
Thanks in advance your contribution and critism
347 words/ about 45-50min -- quite long and also take too much time

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------

In present day and age, students are normally exposed to extra jobs as early as they start their university. This phenomenon, although in some extents, are proved to have negative effects, I feel strongly that the disadvantages are far outweighed by the advantages. In this essay, some of the benefits surrounding this matter will be carefully explained.

It is undoubtedly certain that students can gain their practical experience by getting involved extra jobs. Part-time jobs furnish them with precious chance to practice what they are learning at their universities. In addition, that seems to be more essential the present shortage of sufficiently practical conditions supplied in universities. As a result, students who get part time jobs have not only academic knowledge but also hands-on experience. Moreover, having experienced in working environment during student time offers a distinct advantage when they apply for jobs after their graduation.

Secondly, students who take on a part time job are often more confident and independent than other ones. By constant communicating with other colleagues daily in a company environment where their new ideas can be raised without hesitation, then students' confidence could be significantly gained. Also, working conditions require students the independency in thinking, working, and solving problems, which is greatly helpful when the characteristic is applied to tackle subjects in their universities.

Lastly, doing extra jobs helps student with money for their accommodation. Indeed, high studying tuition, added with raising accommodation expenses are becoming a huge burden to students. With the money they earn from extra jobs, which normally is not much, those difficulties could be partially solved. Moreover, that helps students from being reliant on their families as well as is a well-prepared condition for their independent later life.

In conclusion, I feel certain that having a part time job during your student time will offer students many clear benefits . By taking on an extra job, students can partly alleviate some their problematic matters such as working experience, confidence and accommodation. It is my belief the tendency of getting extra jobs will increase more in the future.
gracedrift 7 / 34  
Nov 1, 2010   #2
I think the writing could use some work. It feels rather bland. The use of transition words should be eliminated; get creative! This topic doesn't have to be boring. Think about how you can make it jump out at the reader. It might help if you had an example of perhaps a friend or family member.

Good luck!
Grace
OP bemytthm 3 / 5  
Nov 2, 2010   #3
Thanks gracedrift. I did not recognize that. I just suddenly think of the topic then write to post to my blog. To be better, I should include some of personal example.

How about other things: vocabulary, grammar, choose the right words or ideas?? Help me to gain these things. Thanks.
gracedrift 7 / 34  
Nov 2, 2010   #4
Your vocabulary is great, but your writing would be stronger if you eliminated unnecessary qualifiers/adjectives. I also noticed some redundancy.

For example: By constant communicating with other colleagues daily

You don't need both constant and daily. I would scratch out constant.

Your ideas are good. Your grammar could use some improvement.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: Benefits of students doing extra jobs
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳