How kind you are ..!
I became speechless when i saw your reply. It is so helpful and definitely precises what I have to do. Thanks so much, Ahmad:)
Giving advises is certainly hard volunteering work. At first, some thoughts occured to me that few social works based on 'sharing knowledge' like khan academy, what i was really impressed, are same as you did. Anyway, I really appreciate your help. I love this site.
For your advise, I learned a lot and got something...for example, adding a summary at the end of the paragraph is called "closing sentence". I found some examples about this on the internet, and other things you mentioned. And I also decided to keep working out writing essay:) thanks again.
Below is what I revised by your words.
I'm sure that will be better than the first :)
With Internet; Easy to Buy Various Products
Online shopping has three advantages over the off-line shopping; convenience, cost-saving, and comprehensiveness of their stock.
First, online shopping is a virtual space we can buy what we want and it is accessible most of the time. It is not necessary to look around a few more places. All we have to do is just to type the website address and purchase some items using credit cards. Also, online shopping malls do not have their business hours. For me, it is very helpful to buy many clothes via the website because I have a tons of work to do and do not have enough time for shopping. As you can see, online shopping is useful.
Second, the price of products sold online is much cheaper than off-line markets. you can save substantial money if you directly buy a product from manufacturers. Using the internet, you can easily contact manufacturers to buy in bulk. In addition, sales which are frequently held in websites and comparing prices make us buy products at a discounted price. In my case, I usually buy many clothes at a time via online websites since their prices are reasonable and affordable. Clearly, buying products online can reduce additional costs.
Finally, Transportation of a large amount of products is a crucial problem that many off-line stores may encounter. As a result, they tend to carry only the most popular products. However, customers are more likely to buy at places where it is available whatever they are looking for. For example, online shopping allows buyers who want to purchase products not available in their countries to order easily without going abroad. Furthermore, we can quickly seek out a product what we want on the internet because of a few bargain websites like Ebay and numerous information-rich websites. Surely online shopping provides a wide selection of products.
In conclusion, accessibility, price, and wide selection are three benefits of online shopping. (transition "therefore" needed?) It is clear that online shopping can have some great benefits for everyone.