This essay has major problems in terms of organization. The second paragraph should be a part of the introduction, where you need to briefly talk about your own opinion and mention at least two and maximum three issues you are going to argue in the body. So, the second paragraph is not viewed as a body paragraph. In fact, your essay has two introductory paragraphs.
besides grammar errors, and the use of very simple sentences, you wrote all your ideas in one paragraph which were supposed to be stated separately. You need to give more examples as supporting sentences. Why do you think people are prepared for a job in universities? This is just an idea and you need to support the idea. Without a support the body paragraph is incomplete.
Therefore, this essay had one actual body paragraph, which is categorized as an incomplete essay.
Finally, By seeing all the reasons of attending colleges or university, it is clear that the most paramount reason is career growth. However, gaining new experience , enhancing knowledge are also prodigious reasons
This paragraph is vague too. It is not a conclusion. You need to reword the thesis first, then, provide the reader with a clincher to let him/her know that the essay has finished.
Hope u find the comments helpful.
Cheers,
Ahmad