Redy, the main problem with your paper is that you did not provide an interesting hook with which to reel in the reader. Without that hook, your paper was uninteresting at the start. I suggest that you bring up this portion
I believe in pictures. I believe that pictures have such compelling power of repairing unrepairable hearts. A single look on my father's picture brought me back from darkness that surrounded my heart when he left. Because of a single look on a picture, I felt that family bond will always be there even if some of the family members might not be around.
as the introductory paragraph of your paper. This is a very strong hook that tells the reader that you have something interesting to say.
Growing up in a lovely family where love is everything, I was tempted to think that my family will inseparably be together forever. The bond between us was always unbreakable and tight. With my father's interesting stories, I could not imagine life with one of us missing, simply without my father.
- Redy, the uncertain tone of your voice does not instill any confidence in your belief. It provides a shaky image of what you believe in. It tells us that your point of view will eventually change. That is why it was important to bring up the portion about the picture beforehand. We need to create a strong and solid voice for you. The essay can also be shortened because what you have to say could actually be said in a few sentences instead of 2 boring paragraphs.- I grew up in a lovely, family-centric unit that had a tight and unbreakable bond. We believed more in each other than we did in God. Somehow, we viewed our family as immortal. That is until the untimely death of my father. A death that changed everything I believed in about memories and my family.- How you felt and reacted to the demise of your father should be a separate paragraph.I was heart broken..
- Why do you believe this happened to you? What were you trying to block out about your father's memories that prevented you from recalling his face? What was the catalyst for your believe in pictures?
- I can't really say what it was that erased my father's face from my memories. Try as hard as I could to remember his features in my mind during the times when I needed his comfort, I always failed. Something was holding me back from remembering him on my own. The only way I could remember him, was through his pictures strewn throughout the house in photo frames and family albums.One evening, I was fifteen by then. I took my father's picture in my bed. It was really descriptive of my father; the way his lips were curved was as if he was telling a story. The picture was bright showing his thoughtful eye. I caught myself listening to an imaginary whisper, thinking it was my father's. Every facial expression he had ever made came back to my mind. Because of a single look on a picture, the gap which was left in my heart when he left got filled with happiness of memory of his deeds. From then, pictures became my belief. Whenever I feel I am missing some people I go straight for their pictures. Because I believe that pictures have that strong power of bringing together hearts of those who are detached by time. I believe that pictures can bring together separated people, unite their hearts and bring them together forever.
- Then one day, I was fifteen at the time, I really needed to feel connected with my father. I felt a need to talk to him. So I took one of his photos to bed with me that night. It was the picture that I felt brought him back to life. With his curved lips smiling at me, his eyes seeming to listen to what I have to say, and his overall facial expression of love staring back at me, I finally began to recall my father in my mind. Not the father from the pictures I had been looking at for 3 years, but the father who I had with me till I was twelve. Everything I remembered about him came rushing back, all because of a well photographed picture that seemed to capture his very essence in life.I believe in pictures. I believe that pictures have such compelling power of repairing unrepairable hearts. A single look on my father's picture brought me back from darkness that surrounded my heart when he left. Because of a single look on a picture, I felt that family bond will always be there even if some of the family members might not be around.
- For three years of my life, I had been mourning the loss of my father. The loss of the person I considered my guiding light. For the past three years, I felt my family was incomplete, no longer immortal. It took a simple picture to remind me that my family was immortal. That my father continued to live on within me. In my actions and in my words. In my mind, he will always be concerned, storytelling, happy - go - lucky man who used to teach me about the simple life. In my mind, he will never age, he will forever be young and vibrant, even when I am old and gray. It took a picture to remind me of all that. The picture reminded me that my family was not broken even though one member was missing. It took a picture to help repair my broken heart, strengthen my belief in my family, and give me the confidence I needed to go on living. Without that picture of my father, my life would have turned out to be much different from what it is today. That is why I strongly believe that pictures can heal broken hearts and give people courage when they falter in life.I hope you consider my suggestions while you work on improving the vividness of your paper :-)
