My bad experiences help me to fight harder and to go after what I want - CBEST essay

Hello everyone! im gone take my CBEST really soon and I need help correcting some of the essay I wrote

Describe a negative experience. Describe why it had such an impact on you. Explain what you gained from it.

In some point of our life we faced with rejection or defeat and caused a negative experienced in our lives. These kinds of experiences can impacted the way a person can see their life. At the same a person can gained straight from that experiences and can help them shape their lives. In my case one negative experience was in high school in year 1995. I experienced rejection from classmates, teacher and staffs do to the language barrier. That experience impacted my life and changed the way I see life now.

In 1995 when I arrived from my native country Colombia my mother enrolled me in the local high school. I was scared but excited at the same time. Scared because it was something completed new for me and excited because I would get to know new people my age. I started ninth grade right away the next day after she enrolled me. The first day of class it was really hard for me; I didn't know where the classroom where located and I was not able to asked other students for help because I didn't know English. During class time teachers would conducted their classes in English and I didn't understand what they were saying. I would ask some of my classmates to tell me what the teacher was saying. Sometimes they would tell me but the majority of times they would ignored me and I was left confused and frustrated. I felt the teacher also ignored me because they didn't speak Spanish and they didn't have the time find me somebody that can help me out. Not only I felt rejected in the classroom but at lunch time I could not communicate with the cafeteria ladies I could not tell them what I wanted for lunch. They would get annoying because they could understand me and would tell me to hurry up. At times I was so depressed and frustrated that in the classroom I would sit in the back of the classroom and in lunch time I would go hide in the restroom and cry myself out.

It was a struggle for me every morning some days were worse than others. I knew that at school I will have an unpleased situations like not able to understand what the teachers were saying or not able to participate in classroom discussions. At times I want to go back to my country or dropped out of high school and worked somewhere where I didn't need to speak any English. That year I didn't passed to tenth grade because I failed most of the classes. For instance, I was not able to understand the materials tough in class I would get "F" and "D" in most of my tests and homework was most of the time incomplete. During this school year I thought that I would never learned English or graduated from high school and go to college. I was really discouraged and disappointed with myself. I would see myself in a factory cleaning the floor or being maid for other people houses.

This rejections, failures, and bad experiences I lived during high school help to realized that to accomplished something in life one have to work harder and never give up. I stop feeling sorry for myself and during summer I took extra classes that I needed graduate on time. I also took extra English classes to help me speak, write and understand English. It was hard at time and I wanted to give up but would dismiss those negative thoughts and I would think that all the struggles and rejections at the end would pay off. I graduate from high school, enrolled in college, and received a teaching degree.

In conclusion, we all struggle and lived bad experiences in one point of our life. What we do with that experiences would help us learn and persevere what we want for our lives. My bad experiences help me to fight harder and to go after what I want. No matter what obstacles I would encounter to accomplish my goal. I would always remember that every good or bad experience that would happen in my life would teach something new.

Biviana, the essay you wrote definitely needs some work. Let me help you with the grammar aspect. You have already said all you have to say about this matter so it is time to edit it for word count and grammatical errors :-) I will post my comments about the paragraph content whenever necessary.


- At some point... or defeat that cause a negative... the way a person sees his life. The experience can help shape his life ... teachers and staff due to the...

- I arrived from Cambodia in 1995. I was enrolled at the local high school where I simultaneously felt scared and excited. Starting the 9th grade, I found it difficult to get around the campus because I could not speak English well and the others could not direct me because I could not express my needs to them properly. We could not communicate. I was even further lost during class because the medium of education was English. I felt the rejection the most each time I asked my classmates for help or when lunch time would come around and I could not tell the cafeteria lady what I wanted to eat. Everyone was annoyed with me. I was depressed and frustrated and did not have any refuge at school except the restroom where I would cry during the lunch hour.

- I struggled every day, with some days worse than the others. There were times I felt like demanding to go home to Cambodia, or I felt like dropping out of school. What was the use when no one could understand me at school? Needless to say, I was held back in the 9th grade due to poor academic performances. I was really discouraged and I felt like I would never improve, I would end up working as a cleaning woman in other people's houses. Like they say though, with every dark cloud comes a silver lining. I eventually found mine.

- The rejection and struggle to succeed helped me realize that I need to work harder than most people and I can never give up. When I got over my self-pity, I took extra classes and worked on my English skills. I wanted and needed to graduate on time. It was hard but I never let the negative thoughts get the better of me anymore. Eventually the rejection became the driving force behind my success. The bad experiences, ensured that I would go to college and not be what society said I should be, a cleaning lady. Now I understand that the obstacles are here to challenge us. To help us build our goals and push ourselves towards achievements others never thought we could accomplish.

To Vangiespen:
thank you so much for correcting my essay I really appreciated!!!