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IELTS TASK-2 (some avoid changes and others believe changes are good)


Neeta 5 / 38  
Apr 20, 2011   #1
This is my first discussion essay, pls be free to comment.

Thanks

Neeta


"Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing"

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Globalisation and technology has a major role in a civilised society, where children mind are trained to practice self-control in order to protect their family and themselves from unwanted situations. This phenomenon later turns into fear, which prevents them from bring in change in their lives. On the other side, changes are considered good and raise question- "what our present would look like, if our ancestors' never thought of amending old constitution or inventing technology, on which our life heavily depends on today."

Today, millions of people feel insecure due to easy available of skilled and non -skilled labour on market and believe that having expertise can enrich job performances, which is directly linked to income and security, and much needed to keep family running towards prosperity, for example-a family man with housing and car loan has to keep on working even during unfavourable working condition. These people continue to work in spite they suffer from boredom to avoid unwanted circumstances.

Nevertheless, changes are good to get away from a hectic life to relax mind, and do self-realisation, but many people wander from one place to another not because they are bored and wanting adventure but because they wish to learn various cultures and adopt good things from it for survival. Thus, it brings in awareness and affects psychology of a human. The best way to convey, what good changes brought in out lives is the fact that our ancestors are monkey. Another example is of a man, who decides to use public transport rather than his car, is more aware of global issues and taking measures to help society.

Personally, I feel everyone should transform their lives because insecurity develops fear and stops many people from bringing in much needed change. Where as, adequate change can benefit society and them.
sn93 - / 3  
Apr 20, 2011   #2
Good topic
I believe that 'Change' is life.
If you are afraid of change then you can not enjoy the life.
Life is full of colours! No body can see all colors but change believer enjoy most of its colours.
What is change? new environment! but how to go in new environment... new country, new job, new profession, new friend, new religion, new faith, new books, new culture, new food, etc etc

I want to change my taste so I am heading to Resturant.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 22, 2011   #3
I think you need to add a sentence to introduce your main idea. That is the point of the introduction. Introduce your main idea for the essay.

This phenomenon later turns into fear, which prevents them from bring in change in their lives. On the other side, changes are considered good and raise question- "what our present would look like, if our ancestors' never thought of amending old constitution or inventing technology, on which our life heavily depends on today." Personally, I feel everyone should transform their lives because insecurity develops fear and stops many people from bringing in much needed change. Adequate change can benefit society.

Now that I put your conclusion at the end of the intro paragraph, you can write a new conclusion to replace it. :-)

Ha ha, do you know why I suggested that? It is so that you will have a full introduction with a thesis statement.
sophialee111 2 / 3  
Apr 22, 2011   #4
pretty good. however, from my perspective, dividing the begining setence in second paragraph into several setences, with linking words would be better.

THKS for sharing us~~


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