Hi testtaker!
You seem to have a decent response. Let's have a closer look:
The downtown store reduced its expenses by reducing it's operating time. A question can be raised here. Did this reduction reverse the decline in profit? Reducing operating time by 3 hours is significant. This is very probable that it also reduced the amount of sales while it reduced the expenses. Does these two reduction result in increased profits? If not, there is no point in reducing the operating time and closing the store earlier.
You can also extend this argument by saying that just because closing the Marston store reduced costs does not necessarily mean that it would work well with the Galore stores. Also, you can also mention that Marston may have reduced stocks and operating hours due to reasons other than a reduction of costs in mind.
Another method that the particular store followed to reduce expenses was to eliminate older videos. This act is not much rational in the sense that the demand of old classical movies is always high. People will always like to watch the oldies such as 'The Godfather', 'The good, the bad and the ugly', 'Twelve angry men' and so on. Eliminating these classics from store would do no good in terms of reversing decline in profits because people would go for other stores to collect these movies.
You're taking a very strong stance by saying that old movies will always be in demand. Remember, the examiner's DO NOT want your opinion or stance on the details. Try writing something like "It is possible that old movies MAY still be in demand, and thus removing such films may harm profit margins"
These are flaws I see in your essay. Other than that, your analysis is pretty good.
Oh, and regarding the timing thing. why do you think it takes you the extra 3 minutes? Do you type slow or do you have trouble organizing your thoughts. If the earlier reason is true, I'm sure practice will fix it up. For the latter one, before you start writing your response, try organizing your ideas first, write your points on a sheet of paper and then use it as a reference guide.