A lot of people commit suicide for many different reasons , especially young people , 17 to 30 years old , some of them because of there family like in case of divorced parents as an example , there is also who suicide because of education pressure and the non-satisfied note , of because of the pain that is output of an excessively dose of drugs.
people who suicide are usually exhausted mentally , and have a weak personality , those people need a special care and a lot of help , because when someone commit suicide , it means that he give up everything he has in his life , so instead of trying to stop him in every time , people should give him a reason to live , something that hold him in this life , and makes him feel that someone need his existence , and here is the role the of associations , by rising the awareness of society about this dangerous phenomenon , who must create different activities for the youth to fill there free time , and push them to throw all the negative energy inside them . and keep them away from isolation and finally from suicide.
- some of them because of there family like in case of divorced parents -> their
- by rising the awareness -> raising because 'rise' is an intransitive verb
- fillthere free time -> their
- some of them -> should be extruded
- people who suicide are usually exhausted mentally -> "mentally exhausted"
- he give up everything he has in his life -> he gives up everything (no need to add "he has in his life")
- in every time -> meaningless
- because of there family like in case of divorced parents as an example, there is also who suicide because of education pressure and the non-satisfied note , of because of the pain that is output of an excessively dose of drugs. -> because of their family, for example parents divorced, or because of education pressure, excessive doses of drugs (your sentence is really wordy, this is my fixing but you can fix another way)
Generally, the essay is wordy, your points are not clear, comprehensive, your reasoning is not good. I can'nt understand your idea in this essay. Specially, punctuation should be used more. You need to improve a lot. But keep writing, you'll be better.
Cheers, Van
Thank you Brother ^_^
Hello dear
A lot of people commit suicide for many different reasons, especially young people, 17 to 30 years old, some of them because of their family like in case of divorced parents as an example, there is also who suicide because of education pressure and the non-satisfied note, or because of the pain that is the output of an excessive dose of drug .
