They have to make money allowances necessary for the children.
They need to give allowance to their children.To illustrate, Mr Joe, who has three sons and two daughters, has to work seriously to
draw make money for education
al expenses. He spends a lot of money buying pencil
s , pen
s , rubber
*do you mean eraser? and schoolbag
s so that
theirhis children are ready for both teacher-centered and student-centered learning.
What's more
is that people want to spend money
economically to take a family to a tourist attraction on New Year Day.
Many people tend to save money each month so that they will have enough left to take their son and daughter to a beach, month and island.
You need to clear this up, I don't understand what you're trying to say.
More importantly, they want to do their own business as another source of money after the retirement. Today there are many firms run by a couple who retired from the present job. They think that if they open
a business, they can earn money for a living. Moreover, their children obtain benefit
s from the business, because they can automatically succeed to it. Although not being good at campus learning
this part is unclear too , they can help parents do business and learn its work effectively.
In conclusion, there is no denying that people can search for convenience and luxury from money earned by a job. The money is able to produce a graduate to work for a society, create a strong bond among family members and prevent anguish and concern over the life of children regarding their financial status after graduation.
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I suggest that you do the following to help you improve:
Using the question, determine what it is asking.
You have a good introduction as you agree with the question but you need to make your body paragraphs clearer.
You can do this by starting out with the points you want to make. Say that
Body Paragraph 1: Talk about education
Body Paragraph 2: Talk about Retirement
use that format to help you find out what each paragraph is about and then slowly add your ideas/points to it.
Hope that helps.