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TOEFL Essay: Advantages and disadvantages of sports.


answers: 7
May 30, 2012, 02:26pm   #
Hi All,

Please check my essay and suggest me about length of essay.

Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Who does not like sports? Everyone likes to play. Sport should be a part of everyone's life. Sports help you to stay healthy. Experts suggested that, we all should play or do exercise daily at least for half an hour to stay healthy. I think that children should also spend some time on sports but not all. Many young children spend their more time on sports only which is not good for them. All young children should participate in all activities equally and also learn to balance their routine.
First, starting with advantages of sports, playing sports makes us physically and mentally strong. It keeps us active, fit and healthy. Teamwork is the most important advantage of playing sports which can help us in our professional life. Playing is also fun and part of an entertainment. Playing sports increases our stamina and helps us in dealing with stress. All young children should play at least one sport. They should also learn to maintain their routine with sports which will help them to be disciplined in their life.
On the other hand, excess playing can be a disadvantage of sports. This will keep children away from all other activities like social gatherings, community activities, picnics and many others. This can also have a bad effect on their studies. Sometimes children might have to face physical injuries. I remember, our neighbor's young child he was a very good Ice Hockey player. He used to play a lot and one day he met with an accident and now he cannot even walk. All treatments tried but didn't work. So, sometimes we may have to face such injuries which cannot be treated.
Finally, if we all maintain our routine then we can keep ourselves away from all disadvantages. I believe that, playing sports play a vital role in everyone's lives so not only young children but we all should spend some amount of time in playing.

Thanks,
Ana.

May 31, 2012, 01:05am   #
Who does not like sports? ( I wont suggest you not to start with a question. Though you can have raise questions inside your essay. ) Everyone likes to play. Sport should be a part of everyone's life. Sports help you to stay healthy. Experts suggested that, we all should play or do exercise daily at least for half an hour to stay healthy.

I think that children should also spend some time on in sports but not all. also concentrate in other activities as well.
Many young children spend their more time on in sports only which is not good for them. rather than in other activities.
All young ( You should change the sentence use some synonyms. In this case you can avoid repeating "all young children" ) Children should participate in all activities equally and also learn to balance their routine.


You can start in this way..
Even though sports are integral part in one's life but one should not get obsessed by one sport rather than effectively balance their time in every activity which is equally important.
May 31, 2012, 11:41am   #
Hi Sudhir,

I was trying to start my essay in a different way. I read many essays which start with questions. Is it wrong to start your essay with question? OR Is it not correct in this context? Please confirm.

And thanks for the corrections.

Regards,
Ana.
May 31, 2012, 03:30pm   #
Hi! Nicely done.

I agree with the first comment ; it could be better not to start with question. :)

Also, I think you stated that advantages and disadvantages of sports. However, in the TOEFL exam, it could be better that take only one answer.

If you fix those things, it could be nice. It is very easy to understand.

Thanks.
Jun 1, 2012, 03:37am   #
Hi Ana ,

Starting an essay with a question creates doubt on the reader. As you are preparing for TOEFL I would suggest you to start your essay by stating your purpose. Then gives reasons on why you support your choice. and then the conclusion.

This simple technique will help you in TOEFL.
Jun 1, 2012, 04:24am   #
Hi,
My opinion about opening the first paragraph (introduction) with a question is in contrast to others. Each introduction should be started with a motivator. There are different types of motivators that a question is one of them. But, you should know that the question must be attractive, and in the most of the times it is too difficult to propound such question. If you think you are able to ask an alluring question at the beginning of the introduction, I recommend it to you.
What I stated above was a thing that I learned from my teacher, who was an native English-speaker, and my sister, who has got an MA degree in Applied Linguistic.

Regards
Ahmad
Jun 1, 2012, 08:19am   #
Hi,

Thank you so much dear all.. especially ah_zafari. That was very useful. I doubt, I'll be able to write such a alluring questions at this current stage but I will try to work on it, otherwise I 'll start my essay simply by mentioning my opinion so that it won't affect on my grades.

Regards,
Ana.
Jun 1, 2012, 08:49am   #
Hi Vickey & Sudhir,

I think, this is a Description/Explanation type of essay and not a preference or agree disagree type. In preference and agree or disagree type of essay, I have to give my opinion and stay on that but, in this type of essay I can describe both as question asked. No doubt that I have to support on one side but I think, I can describe both. Still I 'll rewrite my essay.

Thanks,

Ana.



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