Please write your prompt completely. By doing so, I am more easily to share valuable feedback.
Today we are living in the 21st century. It will not be exaggerated to say that media has influenced every aspect of our life. Due to the advancement in technology various means of mass media is coming into existence.
This paragraph is good. Still, it is too weak since you did not have a thesis to support your claim. Write your introductory paragraph with the following steps:
1. Background information. When it comes to IELTS or TOEFL essay, your task is to simply paraphrase the prompt, as this can be used as a bridge to start the essay, commonly known as background information.
2 Thesis statement with outlined main ideas. The is the main important point in your essay. Prior to ending your introduction, you need to show your claim towards the issue, which is going to be explain further in the following essay.
Mass media play a numerous roles in modern world. Considering, in terms of entertainment role of TV cannot be forgotten. It is not only the efficient source of entertainment, but also the cheaper one . Hardly we can find any social family who is not getting entertained through TV. It has drastically bought down the cultural and lingual barriers between two nations. Besides this, TV play a much appreciable role in spreading news and updating news across the world and thus it is a import part of today's world.
Good. Yet, you need to express your point of view with in-depth discussion so as to support your topic sentence. I did not even find any detailed information regarding the main idea. To have profound supporting ideas, I suggest using journalistic questions, such as how, why, what, when, where, and when.
Secondly in terms of communication, share of mass media is para excellence. Due to advance in internet technology and mobile communication we are in continuous touch of all events happening around the world. Internet has broadened the frontier of knowledge by dispensing us a big spectrum of knowledge. For instance, today we can access any short of article of any subject right from your home and hence, or communication world has been transformed to a great extent .
OK. I have seen that you stated an example as your supporting details, but then this is too general. Make it more specific by asking some journalistic questions; 5W1H. Let me give a try for this;
- Who: University students
- When: Nowadays
- Where: Zaria, Nigeria
- What: accessing internet freely, since the city council provides public service 24-free Wi-Fi hotpots.
- How: With 3G mobile phone to gain internet connection everywhere.
- Result: digital academic documents available
A 2015 University of Indonesia shows that almost all university scholars in Zaria, Nigeria nowadays are easily to reach good internet connection since city council provides public service 24-free Wi-Fi hotpots freely. With mobile phone, pupils merely sign up for 3G so as to gain internet connection everywhere. Almost all schools have free broadband with an ethernet plug in the classrooms, so personal computers could be connected anytime students need. If students have no cable, then schools provide it with free cost. As a result, international reading materials, documents and journals which are available to all students at no cost has changed the face of education in Zaria.In conclusion, by seeing above discussion, i agree with notion that mass communication is one of the back bones of this century and plays an import role in our daily life.
Here, not only do you restate the thesis statement, but you also summarize the main points of body paragraphs, so recall all the aforementioned evidence. What's more, some students also raise personal thoughts; recommendation, fears, or hopes.
Hope this helps, eddy suaib.