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IELTS ACADEMIC WRITING ABOUT GOVERNMENT FUNDING ART.


answers: 2
Jan 15, 2011, 08:22am   #1
Questions : Many countries spend a lot of money in art. Some people think investment in art is necessary, but others say money is better spent on improving health and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Answer:

With the improvement of life standard in recent decades, an increasing amount of funds have been invested in the deveplopment of art. However, many citizens call for the priority of the spending on education and health service over the art projects for the sake of their own welfare.

Those who go for more development of art hold the view that financing artistic projects can bring significant benefits both individually and socially. From an individual standview, more estabilishment artistic places such as museums gallery and opera have provided people especially those working undr high pressure in this high-speed modern society more convenient and available ways to relax spiritually as well as making up for their monotorous life. Further, from a social stage, more creation and flow of artistic works tend to facilitate cultural understanding between countries regardless of language gap.

Obviously, those who advocate the artistic appreciation more likely rest on the more affluent group of people rather the poor who have to worry about the allocation of their low income which constiutes considerable proportion of health and education.expenditures.This is also the reason for some socialists to appeal to the government to concern more about the public welfare. From a business point, imagine how many residents would go to the local gallery and opera which are built in the area of slums before their basic needs are still a problem. Therefore, the question of where the investment should be given the priority depends on the economic situation in a region. Moreover, the source of the investment is also a pivotal consideration. Clearly private enterprises are running relying on the earned profit. Then some artistic projections that are not free to public , taking cinema for example, are definitely better choices than health centres and schools.

Accordingly, welfare service and artistic projections should both be subsidized due to their individual and social benefits. Which should be valued more, though, mainly lie on the economic situaions in the area invested as well as the source of funds.

hi ,
-personally i feel there is a lack of cohesion in the first line of introduction. Improvement in living standards does not really implies to investment of art.

-From an individual standview, more estabilishment <establishment> <of> artistic places such as museums <,> gallery and opera have provided people <,> especially those working undr <under> high pressure in this high-speed modern society <,> more convenient and available ways to relax spiritually < spiritually? are you sure about that? I think artistic places give more peace of mind and entertainment as compared to spirituality. Spirituality is to discover essence of one's own being> as well as making up for their monotorous < monotonous> life.

- you can also add that artistic investment encourages to conserve the cultural heritage of a region.

-Obviously, those who advocate the artistic appreciation more likely rest on the more affluent group of people rather than the poor <,> who have to worry about the allocation of their low income <,> which constiutes considerable proportion of health and education.expenditures.

-THIS SENTENCE NEEDS TO BE RE-FRAMED. "From a business point, imagine how many residents would go to the local gallery and opera which are built in the area of slums before their basic needs are still a problem. "..... YOU CAN WRITE ," From a business point, imagine how many residents would to the local gallery and opera, from slum areas where the basic needs are a problem in itself"

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-Accordingly, welfare service and artistic projections should both be subsidized due to their individual and social benefits. Which ( you are forming a new sentence in the middle of a sentence) should be valued more, though, mainly lie on the economic situaions < situations> in the area invested as well as the source of funds.

-try to get more ideas. this is not a very easy topic to get the ideas flowing, so try to read some essays on similar topics.
I think you should say standards of living instead of life standards.
I also think you should add another sentence to the end of the first paragraph to tell the reader what the main idea of the essay will be. Capture your main idea in one sentence and express that sentence at the end of the first paragraph. :-)

Obviously, those who advocate the artistic appreciation more likely rest on the more affluent group of people rather the poor who have to worry about the allocation of their low income which constiutes considerable proportion of health and education.---You structured this sentence very well. I think this is part of the main idea of your essay, so you should introduce this idea in the introduction paragraph for the essay.

:-)



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