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IELTS (academic) city living in the 21 century is stressful


answers: 6
Jul 2, 2012, 09:09am   #1
Write about the following topic
City living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

I'll show you my essay.Please give me some valuable advice and correction. Thanks!

With the development with high-tech and the improvement of living qualities, more and more people crowed into city ,which leads to the uncontrollable urbanization. Because of this, some of the largest cities must be fairly oppressive places in which to live if you are short of money or unemployed. However, for those with disposable income, a city provides colorful environment which enables people to enjoy their modern life. In that case, I believe the advantages of urban living far outweigh from its shortcomings.

Regarding shopping, as for me, rather than click on the Internet to get what I want, I prefer to browse and windowshop. The diversity shopping malls and super markets located in city centre really content me. What's more, a large city's scope of services even covers amounts of surrounding towns and benefit numerous people .

In terms of entertainment ,city residents are usually spoiled for choice, from amusement park to sport stadium, whoever you are will find exactly you need. Maybe going to concert tonight and visiting museums tomorrow . City always contains various activities and full of energy.

City also provides better opportunities with so many choices and challenges . Cities with university centres offer high-standard education so that graduates from these places always get ideal job with considerable salary. Everyday in the business district, you can see a stimulating competition among those large companys, while there is exactly where give birth to talents.

Many People may complain about the traffic jam or pollution in the city, but I think with some useful policies having been implemented-construction of metro system and design of environmentally friendly architecture, our city will be more habitable rather than stressful.As the slogan of 2010 Shanghai Expo:"Better City, Better Life."

What score can this essay probably get in IELTs test?
Thanks for your help.

Jul 2, 2012, 03:29pm   #2
I am really new to this site.However I have appeared ielts four times before so I have some idea about what examiners expect from us.As far as I understand the question asks your opinion whether city living is stressful or not.so in your introduction you should mention that whteher u agree with this view or not. If you not agreeing give reasons for it and conclude your essay by stating your thesis statement.I am not the right person to give score for your answer.
your grammer and lexical resource is commendeble. what you lack is coherence.please rearrange your essay by explaining why city life is not stressful in one paragraph and in the third paragraph explain the benefits of living the cities.
Jul 2, 2012, 09:02pm   #3
Hi Yurine,

The content of your essay is great, I really love reading it. However, the writing style is quite personal while I believe IELTS requires us to write more academic ones, or in other words more impersonal. Besides, I agree with jobymonpj that you need to improve in the area of coherence. Read some sample essays and you could easily get promising scores!
Jul 2, 2012, 11:34pm   #5
Yurine:
With the development with high-tech technology and the improvement of living qualities standards, more and more people crowed into city ,which leads to the an uncontrollable urbanization. Because of this, some of the largest cities must be fairly oppressive turn into highly congested places in which to living is a tough challenge live if you are short of money or unemployed. However, for those with disposable income, a the city provides a colorful environment which enables people to enjoy their modern lifestyle. In that case, I believe the advantages of urban living far outweigh from its shortcomings.


Your introductory para consists of all the features that are required for this task. You take a good entrance to the theme and briefly introduce it to the reader and then clearly state your opinion. However, you need to pay attention to your body paras and the conclusion. In some, you only throw examples without giving much emphasis on to your reason. For example;
Yurine:
Regarding shopping, as for me, rather than click on the Internet to get what I want, I prefer to browse and windowshop. The diversity shopping malls and super markets located in city centre really content me. What's more, a large city's scope of services even covers amounts of surrounding towns and benefit numerous people .

You begin the para with an example and your reason is not explained to the reader clearly. In this case, the reason is that urban cities offer more facilities and services. And you support this reason with the example of shopping malls. In IELTS and TOEFL they expect you to give your reasons for your opinion and then support them with examples. So follow that order. Then you can stretch out your body paras and meet their required word count. If you can come up with two reasons (one reason per body para) that would be more than enough for this task.

Finally, sum up everything what you talked about in your previous paras and reinstate your opinion in your conclusion.
Also it's good idea if you read other's essays that you find in this forum. They would help you have an idea about IELTS essay structure and more arguments : )
Jul 2, 2012, 11:50pm   #6
oh, i nearly forget the structure"opinion + example ". Thanks for reminding me. I'll do better next time.
Besides, I just want to know if there's any differences between the task " To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement" &" do you agree or disagree"
Jul 3, 2012, 05:17am   #7
In either case, you are free to express your opinion. You need to either agree. disagree or take a moderate stance (i.e. you agree in certain cases and disagree in some) You can be more comfortable to take this moderate stance when the task sounds " To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement". But, in my knowledge, they don't make much of a difference.
: )



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