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'years as a police officer' - SOP Essay for UT - Austin


rustydoornob 1 / 2  
Feb 19, 2009   #1
I am applying to UT - Austin for the fall semester. I know it's a little short, but how does this sound:

My father devoted 23 years as a police officer to the city of McAllen and my mother has worked for the FBI for 17 years and counting. During the time I spent under their roof, my interest in law enforcement and particularly the FBI has increased through the experiences I have had when meeting various agents and the reading of the company's literature. Some of the FBI's career paths that have been available to those with a bachelor's degree in psychology include the Crimes Against Children program, which is what I am interested in.

Growing up, one does not usually encounter stories of abused children; we are typically shielded from the harsh reality that many people face, simply because it makes us uncomfortable. As I learned about this nearly unthinkable plight that many children face, my eyes were opened to the people around me that have suffered in silence. The statistics alone are alarming, but there are so many more people that do not report anything to the authorities. I want to use my degree to help defend those that oftentimes are unable to defend themselves.

Upon graduating early in high school, I decided to go to Los Angeles to attend school, but became homesick after a year out there. Most of my family is in Austin, so I packed up and left, with very little money. Because of this, I had to put school aside and work full time. Slowly, I added one class each semester to see how much I could handle while working forty hours a week.

With about half the course work behind me, I feel like the closer I am to my duty of helping others, the more I want it and am determined to do the best that I possibly can; that is why I can say I have grown each semester. My grades start from all over the alphabet to straight A's, and for me, there is nowhere else to go but up.

From my research on this university, I have discovered that the University of Texas at Austin is one of the top ranking schools for its psychology programs. The developmental area of study would allow me to understand how children handle certain situations and which coping mechanism would work best for their specific circumstance. I am also very interested in and am excited about joining the Summer Undergraduate Resarch Experience. I love the idea of being exposed to new skills and experiences in psychology. By being a part of this weird and diverse population, I know I can inspire and be inspired to enhance the capabilities of myself and others.

is the section that i italicized too specific? I don't want them to think that I think that's all there is to developmental psychology...
Gautama 6 / 133  
Feb 19, 2009   #2
Can you tell us the exact prompt and word count they are looking for?

This sentence: "Some of the FBI's career paths that have been available to those with a bachelors degree in psychology include the Crimes Against Children program, which is what I am interested in." should probably go in the last paragraph where you talk about the university specifically.

Every paragraph should have an intro sentence that states the main topics of the paragraph. You should try to make a paragraph solely about what you like about the University of Texas and include the programs you are interested in as well as the research you have done on it. The other paragraphs should be organized in a logical progression about what has led you to go into the major you have chosen.

Its hard to judge much further if I don't know what the prompt was exactly so get that to us please! You do have some great life experience to make a convincing argument for joining the FBI here so just polish it up and try to really seperate out the ideas you want to convey so that each paragraph deals with one topic only. Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 19, 2009   #3
This sentence below should be made the last sentence of the first paragraph.

Some of the FBI's career paths that have been available to those with a bachelor's degree in psychology include the Crimes Against Children program, which is what I am interested in.

That will make it kind of like the main theme for the essay.

The first sentence of the first paragraph should be moved and used as the first sentence of the second paragraph.

So, the first paragraph should start out with: My father devoted...

After trying it that way, it will be good if you can name some specific resources that attract you to the U of T. Perhaps there are even specific faculty members from whom you'd like to learn.

Good luck!! I hope I don't end up handcuffed in the back of your cruiser some day...

:)
OP rustydoornob 1 / 2  
Feb 20, 2009   #4
They did not give a minimum, but the maximun is 120 eighty-character lines. This is the prompt:"The statement of purpose will provide an opportunity to explain any extenuating circumstances that you feel could add value to your application. You may also want to explain unique aspects of your academic background or valued experiences you may have had that relate to your academic discipline. The statement of purpose is not meant to be a listing of accomplishments in high school or a record of your participation in school-related activities. Rather, this is your opportunity to address the admissions committee directly and to let us know more about you as an individual, in a manner that your transcripts and other application information cannot convey."
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 21, 2009   #5
Hey, specific is good in this case, for sure. You might want to say "a focus on developmental psychology" instead of "developmental area of study."

Crimes Against Children Program (Program should be capitalized, right?)

It looks great, and it seems to come from the heart. It is somehow terrific that you admitted to having become homesick. Great job.


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