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"Wow, I can't wait to be a grown up" Transfer Essay... transition from childhood to adulthood


gabriellen 1 / -  
Nov 24, 2015   #1
Transfer Essay... An event in your life that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood

Children often see the world as a place filled rainbow skies, cotton candy clouds, and lollipop trees. It's great to be a child, running around with out a care in the world, playing with your friends on the playground, and talking about the coolest new toy your dad just bought you. Then at night, your parents tuck you into bed, maybe read you a story to help you fall asleep, and keep the light on in your closet so monsters won't come get you. However, there comes a point when the child no longer sees the sky as a rainbow, or clouds as cotton candy, or lollipops as trees, they begin to see the world for what it is.

I can remember when I was a child and my parents wouldn't tell me what they were talking about, I would sit there, begging and pleading for them to tell me. They usually responded with "This is grown up stuff". All I used to think is "Wow, I can't wait to be a grown up". Back then I didn't know that they didn't want to tell me that two planes just crashed into the World Trade Towers killing thousands, or that my dad just lost his job because the economy is bad. My parents didn't want to lose the little girl who saw the world as rainbows and cotton candy.

Eventually, their came a day when the rainbows and cotton candy disappeared. Although I was still a child, I still did not come to the realization of the world actually was, just that the sky was blue and clouds were white. It wasn't until recently that I transferred into what I consider my "adulthood".

This past May my grandfather suffered from a massive brain bleed, and eventually passed away. This was the first loss of a family member I had ever experienced. I wasn't sure how to react. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or demand answers from the medical company that created the medicine my grandfather was taking that caused the brain bleed. I was lost and confused, I didn't understand why. Why was my grandfather taken from me? Why couldn't he survive six more days to see me graduate high school? Then I came to the realization that this was life, and things like this will happen without any explanation.

From my grandfathers passing I learned that life can be harsh sometimes. You hear stories about how people's life's change so quickly and you sympathize for them. However, you never really understand the reality of how those people felt until you're in the situation yourself. My grandfathers passing truly transitioned me into adulthood. For the past eighteen years I had enjoyed a carefree life, and the worst thing to happen to me is when my SAT scores when down after I retook the test for a second time. My grandfathers passing woke me up, making me realize tomorrow isn't guaranteed, so don't stress over the little things. Just as Earnest Hemmingway once said, "In a nutshell, humans are just a small and ephemeral part of a larger world. We come and go, but the earth always remains. The sun will keep rising and setting long after all of us are dead and gone."
vangiespen - / 4,134 1449  
Nov 25, 2015   #2
Gabrielle, I am afraid that your "transition" story does not really reflect the kind of attitude and abilities that this type of narrative should entail. It contains mostly word fluff and lacks a central focus on your development as a young adult. This essay is not supposed to be a discussion about how as a child you were shielded from information. Nor is it about your first exposure to death. You speak of experiences that do not directly relate to a realization on your part about how adult life works. Simply saying that the death of your grandfather opened your eyes to the realities of life does not make you an adult. Rather, your actions after this realization are what will describe or depict you as an adult.

If your grandfather's death truly affect in such a manner that you feel it became the reason that you entered into adulthood then show it in your actions. How did this event change you as a person? Did you become more responsible in life? Did you have to take on more responsibility? Did your parents treat you any differently by allowing you to partake in the activities that you used to be too young to do? In other words, how did his death transition you into adulthood? What did your family need you to do now that they did not allow you to do before simply because they already viewed you as an equal in terms of intellect and ability to respond to certain situations?

The transition of your mindset is useless without the transition of your actions. Therefore, you need to address that weakness in your essay. While normally, other students would opt to discuss something along the lines of getting their first part time job in order to afford a gadget they want, or taking over some family adult duties in the event of a divorce or death in the family, I think that you can use your grandfather's death in this instance provided that you can prove it actually created a need or opportunity for you to develop into a young adult. Right now, that transition of badly missing in your essay.


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