What do you make, how do you make it, and why do you make? Ultimately, where do you visualize your creative abilities and academic study to take you after your education here at Parsons? (Maximum 500 words.)
Hi, id like to receive any opinions about this essay, id specially like to know any impressions or concerns about how the essay might come across as to the admissions team. this is a school i really want to get into so i might have tried too hard and now I'm worried that my essay might give a wrong impression to the admissions committee.
"What do you make, how do you make it, and why do you make? Ultimately, where do you visualize your creative abilities and academic study to take you after your education here at Parsons? (Maximum 500 words.)"
There are things neither words nor actions are able to produce. Art shows a visual elegance that's otherwise impossible to recreate by our own eyes. This is from where my ambition to understand art eradicates.
My artworks often aim for a visual representation of past experiences and my current emotions. I see the world with vibrancy and alertness, grasping snippets of the colorful reality that surrounds me. Whatever I observe that resonates to me I store it in my head. As I keep collecting moments, I find my mind blending and distorting them with other experiences. Incapable of keeping a hold of it all, I seek drawing and paintings to record and illustrate my mind's side effects on my observations. Likewise I resort to art in times of turmoil as it often brings tranquility and comfort to my everyday life.
I have grown an appeal for a variety of media like oil watercolor and charcoal. Charcoal is my primary go to. When not drawing in charcoal, I turn to oils to bring the sense of control and certainty that speaks to my character. Opposing that is watercolor's unpredictability to detach myself from my drive for perfectionism, as it can often become a vice. Swapping and integrating the media I work on into one another, as well as discovering new techniques and the history behind them often fascinates me.
Equally fascinating to me is the human body, as well as its relationship with uncanny events. The continuous push and pull between the true and the surreal has always inspired me. I draw from the ideal that a subject is always interacting and transitioning unconsciously towards unordinary things.
Although my resolve has always driven me, there's only so much I can learn and achieve on my own. The mere lack of proper guidance has halted my ability to do better. When drawing or painting I feel as if my work never truly portrays what my mind desires to convey. It seems as if I'm wandering aimlessly with no control over the outcome. Albeit truly discouraging at times, this only pushes me further into wanting to improve my skills and attain the results I'm truly looking for.
I sincerely believe that Parsons can provide me with the guidance to fully extend my potential and harness my creativity. A homelike sensation emanated from it on each of my visits. The more I researched about it, the more it strengthened my desire to begin my new academic journey alongside it. Although I am keen on learning various types of creative fields of study, I am drawn towards illustration. I know The New School can introduce me to the set of skills necessary to excel at the subject field, and once I complete my education there I can use my acquired knowledge to contribute my ideas to the discipline. I know I can be better with the right hand to guide me through. I am confident that this school is it.
The latter part of your essay discussing how Parson's can help you further your career is right on the mark. The problem with the essay is that the beginning and middle parts are simply filled with flowery words that do not address the prompt requirements in great detail. You need to explain what kind of art you make (pottery, painting, sculpture, etc) and then tell the admissions officer why you have chosen to specialize in that art. At the moment, your essay does not reflect a specific art form nor reason as to why you have chosen to work with that particular form. The essay need not be this wordy, you can just respond to the prompt directly, but properly. Specific answers are required because the prompt has straightforward questions posed.
so are you suggesting i should kick the fancy words down a notch? and i also thought i clearly stated what art i did when i wrote,"so I often savor for a variety of mediums like oil watercolor and charcoal" how do you think would be a better way to make it more evident? as for why i chose to specialize in that art that part i had forgotten thank you for pointing that out
Definitely knock the fancy words down a notch or two. Your essay will be better for it. I would place the inclination for painting in various mediums at the top of the essay. That way the admissions officer won't have to sort through the whole essay just to get the answer to the prompt. The more direct you can make your statement the better. Remember, flowery is good when you are writing creatively. When you are writing a word limited essay with the person who is assigned to read it also having to read about a hundred more essays to read within the day, it is always best to just answer the question directly. No beating around the bush. Save the reader time because if you place too many creative words, he could lose interest in what you have to say. More so if he has to sort through a long essay just to be able to "think" about what your actual response is.
I am not a native speaker, and I'm far from painting, so very carefully I'll try to discuss your essay.
To begin, the writing is skillful and expressive - I got engaged reading it!
I noted the following minor faults:
--- in the third sentence you use the word "eradicate" where you probably mean "stems from" or "is rooted in"
--- and some typos: "I seek drawing and paintings ", "I draw from the ideal "
Also, in the 4th paragraph (Equally fascinating to me is the human body...), it is not clear how the first sentence is linked with the subsequent ones.
Good luck!
P.S. And I actually don't ask you to check my essay, I just don't know how to switch off that thing below!
