Discuss how your family's experience or cultural history enriched you (600 words)
Hello everyone!
This is one of many college application essays I have to turn in within a couple months or so. This prompt was one of the harder ones for me to write so I'm posting it here in hopes that the community can help me with it! Thanks!
Wilsonville -a place that you've vaguely heard of or a town that is your entire world. For me, it's all I've ever known. I've lived here as long as I can remember and knew nothing outside of this little bubble. Many of my friends come from sheltered households who've never seen more than 5 people of different origins gathered in one place at any given moment. Fortunately for me, I had Korean parents. Through their stories, I quietly observed the bustling cities of Seoul and the calm farmlands in Noan. They described the vibrant colors in silk of traditional Korean hanboks, and the fast, elegant and percussive dance of mugo. For them, Korea is the present, but for me, it was a thing of the past, my simple heritage. Although I was vastly different from my parents, the single thread of connection I had with them was Korea.
It wasn't until when I was 15 that my small bubble was popped. I arrived with my brother, escorted by my grandparents at Incheon International Airport in South Korea. I didn't realize that we were on a completely different continent on Earth, miles away from home until we frantically searched for our luggage. It was an uneasy feeling.
When we stepped outside to take a breath of the blissfully cool air, I forgot how to breathe. The sun glinted off of tall buildings that could puncture holes in the sky, streets filled with people with their own families, hopes and ambitions, restaurants lining the streets with wafting smells of exotic spices and foreign ingredients. There were sounds of angry drivers honking at traffic and hushed conversations people sitting outside while smoking cigarettes. The pictures of Korea in my history books only captured a grain of sand in the boundless beach.
Grandpa hailed a yellow taxi and all of us squeezed in the cramped leather seat. With the air conditioner blasting cool air, he told us that there was only one public park in the entire city, he pointed at the river that made its way into the heart of the country and he mentioned the local college that my father attended for his bachelor's degree in business.
Not only did the tall diverse buildings fascinate me, it was the faces of the people roaming the streets. There were Koreans, Chinese, Japanese, Filipinos, Indians, Europeans, even Americans all of whom like me, wanted to experience the culture, taste the food and admire the buildings, traditional and modern, of a new country. It was crazy to wrap my brain around the fact that even within America, there are millions of people who come from all over the world with different cultures, traditions and heritages.
In my visit to Korea, I met all my cousins, aunts and uncles, in-laws, and even great grandparents who were around for nearly a century. It was in Korea that I discovered my passion to find a career for medicine and in helping others, my love of reading books - even if they're picture books in a language I can barely speak nonetheless read, and the joy of meeting new people all over the world.
I really like the imagery of your essay!
Just one suggestion, possibly directly address how your experience in the Korean culture enriched you. I know you briefly talk about it in the end but I would expand that a little bit more!
PS thanks for commenting on mine as well :) good luck with your applications
Sara, while you present an interesting look into your background as a Korean-American, there is no clear representation of how your cultural history has managed to influence you to a great degree. The visit to Korea that you undertook sounds more like a travel experience than a culturally enriching activity that you engaged in. Rather than writing an adventure narrative, the focus of your essay should have been on the way that your trip to Korea showed you a different side of your family, your personality, and your involvement in the community. Then you would be able to say that this family experience related to your cultural history truly enriched you.
You mentioned that this trip triggered your interest in medicine. That is a good start for your revision. Discuss what you saw or learned of the Korean culture, traditions, or heritage regarding medicine that you were exposed to. Then discuss what your impression was of their medical style and how that made you think that maybe you can have a future in medicine.
Tell the reviewer why this trip awakened your passion to help others. Make sure to highlight the fact that by connecting to your heritage, you came to understand what makes you uniquely Korean-American. Ensure that the focus of the essay is on your mixed cultural heritage then in the end, explain how you are pleased to be the embodiment of the best of the Korean culture that you imbibed, and the American culture that you call your own.
These tips should help you develop the revised essay in a more related manner to the prompt.
