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I used to be very easily swayed by the opinions of others; Yale Writing Supplement


Erin 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2013   #1
1Why Yale?
A year ago, I discovered Open Yale courses. The veritable treasure trove of lectures placed an entire university's worth of knowledge within reach of my fingertips. I was intrigued by how much effort Yale put into its noble mission of educating every single person around the globe, regardless of background and educational attainment. Even through a tiny screen, the connection the professors made with their students was palpable. Into the first few minutes of the first video, I knew I wanted to be part of this vibrant community.

a. You have been granted a free weekend next month. How will you spend it?
Recently, I was not able visit a beach where I routinely pick up trash left behind. If I had a free weekend, I would go back to clean up that beach again.

b. What is something about which you have changed your mind in the last three years?
I should do what I think is best. I used to be very easily swayed by the opinions of others.

c. What is the best piece of advice you have received while in high school?
Challenge yourself by doing something new. I've learnt how to plough a field, and assemble a computer simply by following this advice.
d. What do you wish you were better at being or doing?

That I were a little less reckless. I volunteered to be a delegate for mock trials, even if I didn't have the time and it was extremely demanding for me.

e.What is a learning experience, in or out of the classroom, that has had a significant impact on you?
I went to China with only a basic grasp of Mandarin. I stayed in a dormitory with mostly native speakers. I had to learn and become independent quickly.
RaeAi 1 / 3 1  
Nov 12, 2013   #2
Regarding to the why Yale essay. I like how you talk about its dedication in distributing the education to people from all over the world. But i think you need to talk about YOU. why YOU like this idea, because this philosophy resonates with your vision of education, or is it because you also want to use your knowledge to positively influence others?

short answer a: change the "recently" sentence and directly say that you gonna go back to a beach where you... don't use past tense.

were a little less reckless

I would suggest to point out what you want to say more clearly. maybe time management in this case?

I went to China with only a basic grasp of Mandarin. I stayed in a dormitory with mostly native speakers. I had to learn and become independent quickly.

Sorry for saying this. but I don't see how picking up Mandarin in China helps you to become more independent.

So overall, I think instead of talking about your concern for YOURSELF, you need to have a broader vision. to talk about your compassion, you determination to influence your surroundings. Dream big and target high. A big picture of what kind of person you are is lacking here.

Good luck with your application!


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