Regarding to the why Yale essay. I like how you talk about its dedication in distributing the education to people from all over the world. But i think you need to talk about YOU. why YOU like this idea, because this philosophy resonates with your vision of education, or is it because you also want to use your knowledge to positively influence others?
short answer a: change the "recently" sentence and directly say that you gonna go back to a beach where you... don't use past tense.
were a little less reckless
I would suggest to point out what you want to say more clearly. maybe time management in this case?
I went to China with only a basic grasp of Mandarin. I stayed in a dormitory with mostly native speakers. I had to learn and become independent quickly.
Sorry for saying this. but I don't see how picking up Mandarin in China helps you to become more independent.
So overall, I think instead of talking about your concern for YOURSELF, you need to have a broader vision. to talk about your compassion, you determination to influence your surroundings. Dream big and target high. A big picture of what kind of person you are is lacking here.
Good luck with your application!