This is my college essay for the University of Wisconsin, I need to write about what I consider something in my life that goes unnoticed. The deadline for the application is today, I just recently had surgery causing me to be out of school to ask teachers help me edit. Please help!
Every single person in some point of their lives will be tested and will be defeated; they will fight and will lose. Those who are strong will keep reaching and moving forward after they have been knocked down by life because it is not about a reward, it is about pride, not keeping it, but finding it. Personally I have been thrown many curve balls in life entering high school, but not once have I given up. I stride everyday to become a better person than I was the day before and not many people notice. My public persona is a young happy-go-lucky individual, but many know very little about my experiences that have helped shape me into who I am now. My journey through life is like an iceberg, anyone can see what is above the surface of the water, but what remains unseen under the still water is a whole other reality.
Entering my senior year of high school has caused many restless nights of reflection of what I have gone through. When I was in 8th grade I lost my best friend since five years old to suicide, this is where my life drastically changed. My friends and I would have never expected this to occur once in our lives at this age, but it did. I felt, being the closest to Derek, I had the obligation to help everyone cope with his death. This gave me a characteristic that is lacked now a day, and that is leadership.
After having a successful season of football my 8th grade year I was appointed captain of junior varsity freshmen year. My very first high school football game on the opening kick off, I suffered an injury any athlete longs to sustain, I tore my ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) in my left knee. I underwent three surgeries due to complications, resulting in me sitting out of athletics. Patiently waiting for two years to return to football my junior year I re-tore the ligament in the surgical knee once again. Determined to find the best medical treatment, I traveled to Madison, Wisconsin. I underwent another procedure performed by Dr. William G. Clancy Jr. On my travel I fell in love with people who I was lucky to meet because, they made it easier being away from home.
I have reached points in my recovery where I would want to throw in the towel, to just give in to the thought "it's too hard", but I remember a quote Eric Thomas says, "when you want to succeed as bad as you want to breath then you will be successful" (Thomas). Then my athletic perseverance arises making me want more, "you're already in pain, you're already hurt, get a reward from it! Don't cry to quit, cry to keep going!" (Thomas). Mental toughness a huge advantage I had the chance to obtain throughout this nightmare because, giving up is never an option for me. I have sacrificed many hours with my friends and family to get back to where I was. "Blood, sweat, and tears", "4th quarter", "last period" is all I thought about when I would begin my sessions to help motivate me to keep going.
Over the summer I would wake up before sunrise to go train at the school and return at night to do it once again. My parents would tell me take a break because I'm killing myself. I would just turn and look at them and say, "I have to, I'm not going to achieve what I want if I just sit around and miss the opportunity". I would be at the school flipping tractor tires, pulling weighted sleds, doing rope exercises, running stairs, in the 100 degree weather, all alone. The being alone part was what made me different from the rest, I didn't need anyone there to drag me along to do something. Everybody was astonished of the progress I kept gaining but no one was aware of what I had to go through to achieve the slightest improvement.
Every single person in some point of their lives will be tested and will be defeated; they will fight and will lose. Those who are strong will keep reaching and moving forward after they have been knocked down by life because it is not about a reward, it is about pride, not keeping it, but finding it.
I feel these sentences are not providing meaningful contribution to your answer. They are too general stuff that do not reveal anything in particular about yourself to the admission officers. My advice is for you is to not waste even a single word which fails to help them understand you as a person.
Personally I have been thrown many curve balls in life entering high school, but not once have I given up.
In my view, this line provides a better entrance to your essay.
When I was in 8th grade I lost my best friend since five years old to suicide, this is where my life drastically changed.
When I was in 8th grade, I lost my best friend because she committed suicide and it was the point where my life drastically changed.This gave me a characteristic that is lacked now a day, and that is leadership.
This occurrence honed my leadership skill.After having a successful season of football
during my 8th grade year
, I was appointed...
I underwent three surgeries due to complications, resulting in me sitting out of athletics.
I underwent three surgeries due to complications resulting to sitting me out from athletics.My public persona is a young happy-go-lucky individual, but many know very little about my experiences that have helped shape me into who I am now
i suggest you to write 'who am I now in the end of this sentence
After having a successful season of football my 8th grade year I was appointed captain of junior varsity freshmen year
this is my suggestion:
After having a successful season of football in my 8th grade year, I was appointed captain of junior varsity freshmen year
On my travel I fell in love with people who I was lucky to meet because, they made it easier being away from home.
i suggest you to put comma between travel and I
overall, I suggest you to use more punctuation to make the readers easier to understand your essay
