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It's university where I can expand my innovative and creative ideas - My Yale supplemental essays


rp22 2 / 2  
Oct 26, 2014   #1
Hi everyone, I need help with wording and grammar. Please help! Feel free to comment on anything that doesn't have to do with grammar or wording. I also need help coming up with more "creative and clever answers. Thank you!!!

What in particular about Yale has influenced your decision to apply? 100 word max.
I want to attend a university where I will have the support to expand my innovative and creative ideas, Yale is that university. Currently, I have begun to start up my own non-profit organization. As a high school student, I have very limited resources. However, at Yale I will have all the necessary assets for my social venture to thrive. Being a part of the Net Impact club will allow me to explore social entrepreneurship, create a positive return on society, have networking opportunities, and contribute to it's vehicle for change mission.

What excites you intellectually, really? 250 CHARACTERS MAX.
Over the summer, I was became very interested in social theory and cultural analysis, while I was in Merida, Yucatan. There, I perceived the different cultures that seemed to differ one another, yet were so similar. I contemplated at the idea of the two worlds that I, a Mexican-American belong to.

Think about a disappointment you have experienced. What was your response? 250 CHARACTER MAX.
I received my first "C" on a math test my Junior year. My hateful feeling toward math grew, but decided to stay for tutoring after school at least two days per week. Eventually, I began to master the content and tutored students. I soon fell in love with math, and got straight A's on all tests from then on.

Suite-style living - four to six students sharing a set of rooms - may be an integral part of your Yale College experience. What would you contribute to the dynamic of your suite? 250 CHARACTER MAX.

My belief that laughter is a daily ritual. For me, a day is not merely complete without a full set of giggles.

What do you wish you were better at being or doing? 250 CHARACTER MAX.
Drawing. In class, my art teacher hands out blank sheets of paper, and instructs us to sketch. I attempt to draw complex shapes to make up for my lack of artistic talent. I glance at my peer's papers and see perfect representations of scenery or people. I look down at mine and find a simple stick figure.
Taylor_Cole 2 / 5 1  
Oct 26, 2014   #2
I would not use the words "not merely complete" as that isn't what the word "merely" really means, but otherwise good work!
jkhalifeh93 2 / 17 4  
Oct 26, 2014   #3
"Over the summer, I was became very interested in social theory and cultural analysis, while I was in Merida, Yucatan. There, I perceived the different cultures that seemed to differ one another, yet were so similar. I contemplated at the idea of the two worlds that I, a Mexican-American belong to."

The second sentence is awkward, and you're repeating yourself with "different". I would say : I perceived/experienced two cultures that at first seemed different, but are in fact very similar.

I would also consider changing the answer to the disappointment prompt (it's a pretty standard answer). Otherwise, excellent work!


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