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Two essays. My main achievement and My best team experience. Need your opinion!


lenovo_kz 1 / -  
Mar 15, 2016   #1
• My main achievement
One of the proudest moment of my life happened in 2015. When I decided to participate in regional CrossFit games. CrossFit is type of high-intensity sport where people compete in workouts which include elements of weightlifting, powerlifting and gymnastics. As a person who is keen to participate in team competitions, taking part in such competition was challenging, because you cannot seek motivation and help from your teammates, even though you compete with other athletes, it is just you, and your inner psychological barrier which separates you from winning. I love this sport because in each training session, in order to get better and better, you need to push your limits to the maximum. I was constantly doing my best in daily trainings and fighting with my inner weaknesses and every training session my weaknesses were diminishing. That day I woke up knowing that I had no fears and knowing that I will fight till the end with my inner fears, to show that I am capable of achieving heights not only in sports, but also in other spheres of my life. And when I ended up in 2nd place, I was sad, but also satisfied with myself, because I was able to fight against my weaknesses. I set even high standards following this loss. I believe that this achievement developed my belief in myself to a new level, to a level where anything is possible, you just need to try a little bit harder and with the right attitude. After such intense period of my life, I learned to set and reach my goals more successfully. And strongly believe that such achievement will change my life for the better.

• My best team experience
As saying "Success is the result of perfection, hard work and learning from failure" states, we all experience failures in our pursuit of goals. However, from my experience not all of us learn from our failures, which I believe is not the best thing if someone wants to achieve his or her goals. I always try to learn from my failures, finally such desire lead to one of the most memorable team experiences of my life that happened, when I was admitted to military training camp. As a Japanese resident, all males have obligation to have a year-long military service in a military unit. Consequently, I decided to take part in intensive course, in order to not lose a year of my professional career. When officers asked cadets to choose their own commanders, I decided to nominate myself as a possible candidate and participated in the election process. Each candidate needed to make presentation about himself and talk about his leadership experience. I faced with really challenging atmosphere, because all of them were older than me and had broader experience than being just a student, however, the fact that I graduated from the leading university of my country and participated in a number of extracurricular activities, brought me the status of commander of 50 cadets. During two months' period, when training camp lasted, I gained valuable experience in leadership and team working. Namely, learned the importance of rewarding people in your team, so that they have motivation to perform in the highest level. Secondly, to set high standards to others, also I learned how to never cede control, developed my ability to see things that others don't expect to see, to think critically and predict possible obstacles and lastly never stop adapting. Finally, I believe that such experience laid strong foundation for my future successful team experiences.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Mar 15, 2016   #2
Hi Nuno..For your first essay, overall it was good but little bit confusing. When you said you overcome your weeknesses but then you were sad even you stood second. You are measuring it as a loss .

I set.....right attitude.
Its kind of confusing as the way you started it seems lile this sport was a challenge but then even second position you see yourself in a loss. I will suggest that edit this part and instead present it as a reward too because in last line you are considering it as an achievement. How come it be an achievement if you were sad for the result.

For your second essay, what you wrote are the team characteristics that we already know. We dont want to know how you became a commander but your experience of working in team as a commander. You told in the essay what you learned and that makes it the best team experience. But you need to show how you actually learned all this and then how it became as the best experience. Same for your first essay as we need to know how and why this was your best .
Desty22 13 / 20 1  
Mar 15, 2016   #3
HI
... we all experience failures in our pursuit of goalsin pursuit our goals

the second topic is you best team experience, however it better to give the one example about one unforgettable experience when problem was solved by you as leader in team. what have you learned from that and got specific moral value for yourself


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