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TRIP TO COUNTRYSIDE; PERFECTLY CONTENT


loumap 2 / 5 1  
Dec 27, 2013   #1
I chose the "describe and place or environment where you feel perfectly content and why" subject.

Thank you in advance !! I am really lost.

One of the most constructive experiences of my life was my trip to the countryside. Although the water is drawn and the electricity produced from dynamo, I quickly got adapted to their customs and found a pleasure in discovering this very respectuous yet hardworking culture. I met the wife of my dad's uncle, a very old and tender woman. In her rough traits, one would see a mischance ; but she is the only relic of her 13 siblings, what might have been repeated over many generations ; and I had in front of me, as Goud considers, all the luck natural selection could give us.

As a response to the multiple questions my curious nature assailed my hosts, I was asked what were my hobbies. I told them about how passionated I was about sports, and if karate, sailing, climbing, handball and even gymnastics were easy to describe, I had a lot of hardship to explain to them what was modern dancing. I then showed them the choreography I have presented during the Jeune Talents de Lyautey, my school 's charitable annual event. Neither their beliefs nor their culture seemed to hamp their enjoyment and their reaction was surpinsingly more enthusiastic than that of my sophisticated high-school mates. I love how dance is universal and it fades out the performer, leaving only the essence and revealing a message that only one's heart can decipher. Enhanced by the natural ambience, and by the connection that I established, I felt perfectly content at that place.

Juniperus thurifera is flourishing in this zone. This tree is a major reason why I adore this place: I can relate to it. First, because it remebers me where I come from. Second, because it is tenacious and unyielding, like me when it comes to reaching my goals. It revives from cracks beetween the rocks and in the most extreme climates to extend and thrive, despite the opressive conditions. It is fine, like me when it comes to art. Its streched branches reminisces me the rigorous yet reviving postures in gymnastics and classical dancing ; and its incense reminds me of the subtle chess techniques I so curiously developped on a set made of it's wood. And lastly, it is altruistic, like my friends see me. This tree provides medication for the villagers - success is a synonym of cooperation to me.

This experience made me aware of how important our environment is. Although I feel like if I had a more supporting entourage, I could have achieved more; but it is up to us to get adapted because we never choose our envionment, we only choose how to deal whith it. Destructing our environment would be erasing our most common good. Protecting it is necessary and fundeamental and the goal of my commitment. That is why I am enrolled in Ecolyautey. Here in Morocco, minor modifications can have a very positif butterfly effect; and sensibilisation, as the plastic bag photo contest I am organising aims to, can change so many things.

Growing up in a unloving environment was the hardest. All my motivation, my determination and my willpower had to come from within. If I didn't chose my environment, I chose my friends who helped me overcome being gay in Morocco. And I psycholed my needs seeking gratitude and encouragements in my teachers and my identity in the international option for the baccalaureate wich envolves an additional 6 hours of arabic literacy and 4 hours of bilingual History and Geography, and gave me knowledge about two different cultures, the European and the Arabic one. As a sensitive person, having to build such a strong shell gave me an speical meaning of the notion of environment. Now, I am very proud of who I've become.

Today, I have another need. A need that is shared and common to all human beings. A need to protect not my but our environment. A need that I could'nt be anymore ready to fulfill.
iacero 3 / 17 2  
Dec 27, 2013   #2
There are a lot of grammatical and vocabulary errors. Also I believe that it is not explained how the visit to the country side inspires a change in you- was it the realization to save environment or to share.

Also the prompt is not answered nor addressed.You talk about an experience, not a place that is comforting. You should start over or explain why the country side is comforting.

Or elaborate on how the comforting place led to a love of the environment and wanting to protect it.
OP loumap 2 / 5 1  
Dec 27, 2013   #3
iacero

Thank you very much for you help

I am really confused, you pointed out very important points. Actually, I really don't have much to say about my trip to the countryside but since I am applying for Environmental studies and since the random topic option is not availble anymore on commonapp, I figured out it could blend well with all the rest. I do agree with the fact that these are two different topics but what can I do, I don't know how to make them into one cohesive one :/

For the "Goud" word, I didn't mean to talk about God but Goud who's a philosopher of evolution and who states that humanity is the result of a totally random process and not that of a determined one.

For the word "psycholed", I actually meant to say the psycological term of "sublimated" . Some say that "sublimated' is true, other say that the actual precise translation is psycholed but it is so rare I don't think it is accurate. I also tought about "rendered" or simply "dealt with".

If you can give me some advice about how I could structure the essay so that the two topics go along togheter it would be so precious !

Thank you again for your help!


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