1. You have already told us about yourself in the Common Application, with its list of activities, Short Answer, and Personal Essay. In this required second essay, tell us something that you would like us to know about you that we might not get from the rest of your application - or something that you would like a chance to say more about. Please limit your essay to fewer than 500 words
I stepped down next to Mr. Roboto and took a deep breath. I was 976 miles away from home; it was the last qualifying round of the FIRST International Robotics Championship, and we were one of six teams on the field. I closed me eyes. Faces of my coach, my mentors, and my teammates, all popped into my head. I smiled remembering the joy on their faces when we all realized we qualified for championships. Suddenly I was pulled back to reality. I began circling our robot, running though a mental checklist, like I've done so many times before. Powered? Check. Pressure gages? Check. Communication? Check. I looked up and threw a thumbs up to my driver, knowing fully well that it was last time I would do so for this season. He responded with a smile and a reassuring nod as always. I ran off the field to the driver stations. Suddenly the buzzer sounded. I along with the other two members of my team stepped up to the controls. I was hearing sounds from everywhere. From the stands, from the players on the field, even from my own mouth, shouting directions to my teammates. "The Red One!" I yelled over the noise, and suddenly I saw Mr. Roboto weaving in and out on the field, going to the grab the bright red uber tube. I watched the robotic we spent 6 weeks working on turn around and without a flaw place the tube on the highest rod, and without even looking I knew that my two teammates standing next to me had the same proud smile plastered on their face as I did.
We lost that round. We didn't even make it to semifinals. But I didn't care. Truth was that we tried our very best that season and it paid off. That trip to St. Louis wasn't about being the first team from our school to compete at an International level. It wasn't about missing out on school and homework. It wasn't even about watching the Black Eyed Peas and Willow Smith Live. No, not even close. To me that trip to St. Louis was about the experience. It was about change. The change that I saw my team go through in the moment of need, the change that I saw my self go through in the mists of loss, and the change that my experiences instilled in me. During that trip, I established my interests in linguistics and culture by communicating with people from countries. I strengthen my affinity for science by talking to people from NASA and Lockheed Martin. I learned that I hated the song "Whip my hair", couldn't stand the smell of Thai food, and hated sleeping next to the window. My trip to St. Louis gave me a glimpse of the real world. It gave me the freedom to explore my surroundings without the cloak of protection and comfort of my parents, my home, and my school, and I loved it.
I don't think you should say that you didn't care about the result. You can say that winning wasn't as important as you thought it was in the beginning.
Should I say that it didn't matter?
I mean obviously you wanted to win, but because of your new experiences, winning wasn't as important as it was anymore.
To me, saying that "it didn't matter" makes it sound like you didn't want to win.
You should consider the possibility that the following is nonsense, since
I cannot claim to hava any real knowledge about the admission process.
But here's the thing:
1. The prompt asks specifically to tell something about yourself. The first part is mainly
concerned with a live moment description. This, and this is another point that maybe only right from my perspective,
is the most unoriginal thing in a college essay there is. If you look at the essays here one third of them begins with a live
action description. What is once original and engaging turns if read many times, as the adcoms do it, into trite and meaningless.
Anyway the description does not add anything about your character.
2.The live description would actually make some sense if you really wanted to win and you were there for the competiton.
However, the description is about something that went well, however you tell later that you lost.
If the trip was actually about the change you should describe the change better.
The end has actually some sentences that I like very much.
So, you see this was all extremely subjective, and chances are it's pure nonsense.
This is why you should always take into account several opinions.
Hope this helped
By the way, regarding whether winning did not matter at all or only less than in the beginning:
Just be sincere. If you felt terrible that you lost, then say so, if the experience you got there made the losing meaningless
then write that. On the whole the adcoms are probably tired of people who pretend to be passionate over achievers, who think life is very beautiful,
who are ambitious, and believe in the duty to help the less fortunalte, without having anything in their application to back that up.
