Hi. I would like to get some feedback on what I have written for my college essay. I have never had to write a college essay before. The previous university I attended didn't require one, so I have no idea if this is right or not. I tried to answer the question about my poor academic performance in the past, and why I want to transfer. I would like any honest feedback about what I should keep, grammar/wording, how it should end, if it's being to vague... you can even tell me it stinks and I should scrap the whole thing and start over. Any feedback accepted, and you won't hurt my feelings. Thanks!
From the application:An essay describing your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to transfer to [school name] at this point in your academic career is required. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected their academic performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words.
In 2003 I had no work experience, and I felt pressure from my parents to start my college education for which they were paying. I was confused about a major, and I chose criminal justice because because I have several family members in that field. After two years I saw that my classes were designed around people already working, and I had no desire to work in the field. Despite my reservations, I decided to continue with criminal justice because I viewed it as my only option. My parents felt that college should last four years, and I had already used two. My grades continued a slow decline until I was place on academic suspension. It was then that I took responsibility for my actions in college and became the adult I am today. It is only when you feel you have hit bottom that you know your true character. A friend suggested I look into the National EMS Academy offered by South Louisiana Community College. I enrolled there and received my EMT-Basic certification. After working in the field as a volunteer, I know I want to help save lives and advance in EMS/Fire Protection. I was researching university fire protection programs when I came across Maryland's program on the Silver Spring, MD Volunteer Fire Department website. I would like to transfer to Maryland because the school is one of the top universities in the country, and I believe I should strive for nothing less. It is the best place to restart my education because of the quality of the courses offered, and because the program objectives appeal to my own career objectives.