Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality or experience that is important to you. What about this quality makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
Two weeks ago, I wrote an essay on Romeo and Juliet, and though this event might have been less commendable than brandishing a "We are the 99%" banner, it revealed my inner determination to push the limits that I had never pushed before. For you see, I had presumed that an "A" was achievable through hard work and sufficient preparation. But that mentality was easily shattered by my Shakespeare class, for every single student displayed exceptional scholarship far beyond mere work or preparation. When plot analysis was the most any English teachers drew out from students, our friend Shakespeare demanded close observance to poetic forms, literary devices, and differing language among characters, which staggered those who started "college-level" Shakespeare for the first time, including me.
Yet brilliant or not, most (if not all) students still fear "the essay" as if they are entering a war. Because we are at war; every day we sharpen our pencils as blades and learn "strategies" in class on how to tackle 7-page papers. The first major battle took place two weeks ago, and I spent days forging an impressive draft. But when I showed it to the professor for a review, she speared each page with her red pen until every idea was torn into bloody pieces. I could barely keep composure because those red marks, let alone her look of disappointment, felt so darn personal. Why had I challenged Shakespeare? What was I thinking? I even began to question the likelihood of passing the class if the rest of the semester was to proceed in this underwhelming manner. Yes; this was the very moment that determined whether I was going to give up and drop the class, or persevere but wind up with an unfavorable grade.
I did neither. That is, I strove to "blow through the constraints and find the answer," as Google's vice president once said. I was less aiming to endure the troubles than I was trying to overcome them by finding a solution. Because I could not settle for anything less than a victory, giving my 120% was my only option, and I was determined to win. With that in mind, I took another direction in tackling the paper. I rented videos of Romeo and Juliet to look for when and why characters displayed certain emotions underplayed in the text. Then, I purchased various books to read different editorials and interpretations in footnotes and vignettes about the play. Any materials that seemed valuable were the weapons for my next battle. And after three days, the composition was finalized.
A week later, the professor handed back the essay with a "B+" marked on it, a point away from an "A." Yes, I did it! Although the grade could have been better, I was extremely proud of my accomplishment. After all, my ambition to surpass my limits mattered more than the grade in the first place, for this very experience reconfirmed the willed, ambitious man I am inside, who, regardless of the challenge, will always be ready for the upcoming battle.
Please tell me what you guys think!
felt so darn personal I feel like it doesn't fit with the rest of the essay, it's to colloquial... in my opinion.
HOWEVER, I love love love the war metaphor it fits perfectly and shows great detail. overall a good essay.
Good Luck.
